Human rhinovirus 16 attacks typist!

This computer model depicts the human rhinovirus 16. The infected human suffers sneezing, nasal discharge, sinus pain, sore throat and upper respiratory tract problems. That human can also experience abdominal pain, lack of sleep and lower back discomfort - all from persistent coughing (or hacking to use the vernacular.) HR16 is described by medical experts as non-lethal.

This human typist contracted this terrible condition two days ago. Given the misery it has caused, she would prefer her condition be referred to as the Human Rhinovirus 16, not the Common Cold.

Happy Valentine's Day, girls

This little parable arrived today with the wish of Happy Valentine's Day. Perhaps demographers who are concerned about population decline in western countries should take a closer look.

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?"

The guy said "No."

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis
with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet
full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

Geisha's lips

Here is a shot of the bandstand in the abandoned Halifax Public Gardens. It was taken on a moody day through two prongs of the iron post fence surrounding the garden. TH said the shot reminded him of a geisha's lips. So TH, I give you Geisha's Lips on Valentine's Day.

Revenge of the PC owner

We've all got a Smug-Mac friend. You know the type: you just mention something that went wrong with your morally inferior PC and the Smug-Mac friend is straight in there with the 10 Commandments of Mac evangelism. Thou shalt not buy a PC. Thou Shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife's PC. Thou shalt profess thy love for thy Mac.

No doubt Mac computers are good - probably better than PC - but the Mac Love thing gets tiresome, as does the iPod Love and all its iLove variants. Well, here's a bit of revenge for the lowly PC underdog. The piece was written by Charlie Brooker in The Guardian. It's called I hate Macs. Here is an excerpt:

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

Dick doesn't heart Valentine's Day

Here is Dick's take on hearts and Valentines Day. (For the record, Dick has recently been appointed The Gifted Typist's Chief Forestry Correspondent. Congratulations Dick.)

For some reason I never developed the feeling that the
heart was a source of emotion. The typical inverted bottom (arse) shape was a symbol that immediately made me think of the images in my dads medical journals, a slimy veiny pulsing muscle.

Some cultures believe that the spirit comes from the abdomen, but I don't think they have valentines day. It would make for an interesting card, no?

I think we should be using images or, at least, symbols of
brains instead of hearts.

I heart Valentines Day - Not!

Favourite WMD quote

They've looked everywhere - they'll be in the last place they look, won't they? I'm like that with scissors. Of course, the difference is that I know that I have some scissors."

Linda Smith, British comedian, (1958-2006)(This typist's favourite comedian. Ever.)

Old stamp

After our new stamp post, Rowan of Cheddar sent this: the Penny Black, the world's first official adhesive postage stamp. It was issued in Britain on 1 May 1840.

The profile is a young Queen Victoria. The postage stamp cost one penny. The red marks represent the stamp's cancellation.

Thanks Rowan.

Happy stamp

An increase in the price of stamps isn't exactly cause for celebration, but when the new stamp looks like this, it's hard not to smile.

It was designed by Karen Smith (of Trivium Design) on the theme of celebrations. The confetti was hand punched, one circle at a time. The ribbons were photographed individually and digitally composed on top of the bright confetti background.

Karen has been a friend to the Gifted Typist, designing this.

This isn't a paid advertisement. It's a just bright, happy visual this typist wanted to share.

10,000th hit winner and prize announced.

And the Gifted Typist's 10,000th hit winner is .... TagBagger.

He wrote in to claim his prize, noting that double-entendre dessert comments he made on the Sweet Nothing post lined up with the moment this typist's hit counter rolled into five figures. (A committee of judges has been struck to confirm exact times and TagBagger's computer will be called as evidence.)

The prize is this lovely wine-bottle gift bag. Don't be fooled by the out-of-season design. This exquisite piece of giftware is perfect for any season.

Made of sturdy reinforced velour fabric, your wine will be safe in this wine bag. And not only safe, but stylish too! The detailing in the unique design is some of the finest ever produced by the Chinese factory that cranked it out.

When you arrive at your dinner party and a bottle of wine in this bag, your hosts' jaws will drop and they will be speechless, possibly for the rest of the evening. This unique gift will have your friends talking about it - and you - for years to come.

And who knows, someday you might even have the honour of receiving it back again.
Congratulations Tagbagger and ShinkingShrink

on being GT's 10,000th. Keep hitting because who knows, if win on the 20,000th, you might even get a bottle of wine in the next one.

10,000 hits!

Clocked at 10:58:40 today! Since the end of August. 10,000 hits!

Congratulations to the 10,000th hitter. This typist has no idea who you are but stats reveal you are registered in Halifax. If you think it might be you, please contact us for an important message.

And thanks to the other 9999 hitters since the end of August. As most bloggers know, the hits are the fire in the belly of the bloggist.

So go on, hit me!

The Cheddar Chronicles: catarazzi dissed by cat

Ok, so I like to relax on the floor by the warm radiator. What's the big deal?

It's the middle of winter. It's dark and cold outside. What feline in their right mind wouldn't want to stretch out next to a big heat-producing piece of metal. And for that matter what human in their right mind would want to do the same?

But the way She goes on, you'd think I were performing an act of aerial acrobatics or something. Next thing you know my relaxation is being interrupted by a big rumpus and that cursed, cursed flash.

Note to catarazzi: I'm a cat not a trapeze artist. I enjoy heat and comfort. I like nothing better than to spend 16 hours a day in various poses of relaxation. This is not news. Put the camera away. Mind your own business. Get out of my face.

IMglish challenge

Here is a challenge for advanced IMglish speakers.
This is an IMglish message left byRowan, the Gifted Typist's Chief Cheddar correspondent.
He was commenting on the IMglish Lesson 1 post.

What does it mean?

Lo G,Nice 2 c u 2 r in2 de imglish, I'z had lots of
practice wiv this txt 4 yrs lol. Altho in rl u never get 2 write like this (thk god)but in gm ppl alwys talk this way. Anyway bb4n t4tb cya l8rs m8 x.

Beware the sweet nothing

It's getting close to that day when we dust off our best sweet nothings and polish them up for our sweetheart. But danger lurks everywhere in the land of the sweet nothing. Say it wrong and you could end up in the sweet nothing dog house. Click here for Slacker's do's and don'ts of the sweet nothing.

Late afternoon delight

It's not often that a sunset stops cars on the side of the road, but this happened on Wednesday in Halifax. The sky was covered in cloud except for a small band of blue settled on the western horizon. When the sun plunged into the blue band, a reddish yellow spotlight shot sideways across the city, lighting the sky, the water, buildings and air in a strange, almost artificial glaze. These shots were taken across the Northwest Arm of the Halifax Harbour. The buildings were shot looking east.

I don't "heart" the iPod

If a company manufactured a product designed to last only 18 months, would you think that is cool?

And if that company manufactured the product to last only 18 months so that customers would have to go out and purchase another such low-quality product, this time for more money, would you think that is cool?

And if that company told customers they were "cool" if they kept buying the low-quality product over and over again for more money each time, would you think that was cool?

And if the company convinced customers to profess their love for this low-quality product with the short lifespan and the increasing price, would you think that's cool?

Cool? For the company. Yes. They're getting rich off this cool.

But for customers? Is this cool? Well, if the company says it's cool, and everyone believes them, then yes, it's cool in the same that way it was cool to buy and smoke cigarettes because companies said it was cool.

St. Paul's II

Here is Herbert Mason's iconic shot of St. Paul's Cathedral (previously blogged here) as it appeared in the Daily Mail on 30 December 1940. Mason captured this shot from the rooftop of the Daily Maily building during the German firebombing of the City of London 29 December 1940. The paper's headline says: "War's Greatest Picture: St. Paul's stands unharmed in the midst of the burning City."

Imglish - Lesson 1

After our IMtroductory splash of last week, here is the first proper lesson in our IMglish series.
Read, study, memorize.
You will need them, trust me.

AAF as a friend,
AAK alive and kicking,
AAMOF as a matter of fact
AAR at any rate
AAS alive and smiling

St. Paul's Cathedral

There's something about this image. St. Paul's Cathedral endured the brutal firestorm inflicted by German bombers on the "City" of London on 29/30 December 1940. The church survived thanks of the efforts of the Auxiliary Fire Brigade which fought to keep the fire from engulfing the dome. You can see that all the surrounding architecture is post-war, including the Millennium Bridge which takes walkers across the Thames to the Tate Modern Art Gallery where this typist snapped the shot in 2002.

Here is the iconic shot snapped by Herbert Mason for the Daily Mail during the event that became known as the Second Great Fire of London.

To Xerox or not to Xerox, that is the question

And speaking of corporations taking control of words and the way we use them, word has it that we typists are not allowed to use the word Xerox as a verb.

So we can no longer "Xerox" a document. And even more tragically, we can no longer Xerox our bums on the photocopier! Nor can we pretend to be busy at work by spending time "Xeroxing" things.

No, according to the Good Corp Xerox, we can only use the word as an adjective to describe a noun as in "Xerox machine" or "Xerox photocopier."

The Inquirer quotes Xerox on Xeroxing:

Please be advised that XEROX is a registered trademark of Xerox Corporation
and is properly used only as an adjective to identify our high quality products
and services. In the headline quoted above, the trademark is used improperly as
a verb. Such use constitutes a misuse of our trademark and tends to dilute its
distinctiveness. As an alternative, we suggest generic terms be used -- such as
"copying", "photocopying" or "duplicating".

Well here's what this typist has to say to Xerox:

I Xerox
You Xerox
He/she Xeroxes
We are Xeroxing
You have Xeroxed
They (pl) used to Xerox (and still do)

So go ahead, Xerox, sue me.

Words that should be banned: tall, grande, venti

Why ask for a"small" coffee when you can have a "tall?"
Who would settle for a mundane "medium" when a "grande" awaits?
And what's the use of proletarian "large" coffee when you can have a "venti?"

This is the new language - Starbucklish. Walk into a Starbucks and ask for a small and the coffee clerks - oops barristas! - roll their eyes. Don't cha know? Tall is the new small!

It's cool to speak Starbucklish. Come on. English is so passe. Grande is the new medium. Get with the picture people. It's cool to have a corporation appropriate the language. Is it even legal to use the word "tall" for any other purpose than to describe a small coffee while in Starbucks?

Don't cha know? Venti is the new large. It's cool to submit to their words and their categories. I mean, who wants to use their own mind and language when the corp. can do it for you?

Free agency? Oh please. That is so 18-century Enlightenment values! We're drones now. We do what the corp tells us and we say what the corp tells us because the corp says it's cool! And if the corp says it's cool, then we must must cool.

That's why people no longer get laid off. They get "rightsized" or "restructured" out of their jobs. That's what the corp says. How could getting "rightsized" out of a job possibly be a bad thing? You can spend your afternoons "dialoguing" with other rightsized team members and drink tall slim decafe vanilla lattes at the Bucks.

Isn't it cool?

Slacker mum?

This wilting flower so perfectly captured the "Monday Monday" mood felt by this typist on a cold dark morning in February. Is it just me? Or is this too a slacker mum?

Favourite deadline quote

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by

Douglas Adams, British author (1953-2001)

The Book Quiz: I am....

Siddhartha. And strangely enough, the description fits in most respects. I love sitting under trees.

To find out what book you are, click here and answer the questions
Then let me know what you are...

(Thanks to dale)

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in. This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in ferries.

Dingle at dusk

En route the other day to pick up one of the little typists at the swimming pool, I noticed this red dusk materializing in the west behind the Dingle Tower in Flemming Park in Halifax.
Because this typist learned a hard lesson the day she didn't have a camera to shoot the fantastical sea fog that settled over the Halifax Harbour a few weeks ago, she now makes it a rule to carry the camera everywhere, just in case. And, just in case happened here.

(Canon 20D 50 mm 1/1000 f6.3 ISO 100 handheld)

Little typists on an orange wall

The brilliant morning sunlight shone into the orange room making for stark contrasts of shadow on the wall. This typist has rules about placing images of little typists on the blog. Pictures? Never. But shadows are different, less literal, more fun.

Slacker strikes committees to keep resolutions

The Slack one is yammering on today about unfulfilled New Year's resolutions and the committees she's struck to see them through. Click here to learn about the Must-Get-Cat-Pee-Smell-Out-Of-Laundry-Room Committee.

And the IMglish contest winner is ....

... TagBagger who spotted the challenge and ran the skill-testing IM-isms through Google to produce the correct answers.

CUL8R - see you later
WDALYIC - who died and left you in charge

"Do I win?" the winner said in post comments. "I PWN! All your acronyms are belong to us! TagBagger Rulez!" He later added that his IMism are "L33Tsp3ak you n00b."

A committee was struck to consider whether the winner should be disqualified by his rather bold claim to "elite speak" (L33Tsp3ak in IMglish) and by calling contest organizers "nobs" (n00b in IMglish). It was determined that the contest fine print contained no rules against triumphalism or referring to contest organizers as "nobs." The prize winner remains eligible.

And the grand prize is this one-time community-service free advertisement for TagBagger:

Click here to proceed to TagBagger.

Six icicles

Taken in an Ottawa ice storm in early December. Here are more from the same storm posted in December.

Cloud of doubt hanging over Lafarge tire-burning plan

The large cement dust cloud that escaped the Truro Lafarge plant and descended on a lake two kilometers away did not reassure this typist that burning 900,000 tires in the plant is safe.

Lafarge and government officials assured the public that the large grey cloud consisted of limestone dust which is not hazardous. The problem was a loss in water supply used to dampen down limestone dust.

Honest mistake. But what if another honest mistake occurred at the Lafarge plant? What if, say, the thermostat went in the plant's kiln where the 900,000 tires will burn? If temperatures happened to fall during tire burning and combustion levels were not sufficient to scrub emissions of toxic dioxins and furans, they would be released into the environment.

The RRFB has approved burning tires at the Lafarge plant based on a study by the American Environmental Protection Agency. It is interesting to note that the study does not investigate the "honest mistake" scenario like the water supply problem which caused the cement dust cloud over the Lafarge plant this week.