Words that should be banned: tall, grande, venti

Why ask for a"small" coffee when you can have a "tall?"
Who would settle for a mundane "medium" when a "grande" awaits?
And what's the use of proletarian "large" coffee when you can have a "venti?"

This is the new language - Starbucklish. Walk into a Starbucks and ask for a small and the coffee clerks - oops barristas! - roll their eyes. Don't cha know? Tall is the new small!

It's cool to speak Starbucklish. Come on. English is so passe. Grande is the new medium. Get with the picture people. It's cool to have a corporation appropriate the language. Is it even legal to use the word "tall" for any other purpose than to describe a small coffee while in Starbucks?

Don't cha know? Venti is the new large. It's cool to submit to their words and their categories. I mean, who wants to use their own mind and language when the corp. can do it for you?

Free agency? Oh please. That is so 18-century Enlightenment values! We're drones now. We do what the corp tells us and we say what the corp tells us because the corp says it's cool! And if the corp says it's cool, then we must must cool.

That's why people no longer get laid off. They get "rightsized" or "restructured" out of their jobs. That's what the corp says. How could getting "rightsized" out of a job possibly be a bad thing? You can spend your afternoons "dialoguing" with other rightsized team members and drink tall slim decafe vanilla lattes at the Bucks.

Isn't it cool?