Typist takes leave; back Dec. 3.

This typist will be taking a short leave from the stenopool to attend a typist's retreat in Ottawa. There, she will study key-touch styles and explore new directions in Qwerty board design. She will participate in words-per-minute competitions and share typing tips with other typists. And there will be laughs over terrible typos typists have typed.

This typist will return on Sunday, December 3, with a new favourite quote. Feel free to visit while this typist is away, and make sure you come back for more next week.

A splash of light

Sometimes a splash of natural light can transform an ordinary space into something approaching art. These shots show darkened living spaces illuminated by the sun. These moments are fleeting and worth the typist's mad dash upstairs for the camera.

Words that should be banned: Frankenmuzak

Muzak, that familiar synthetic replacement for the real thing, most often enters our lives in elevators or while we wait on hold for a customer service representative. Christmas jingles, on the other hand, start off with the best of intentions, but after years of over-play end up relegated to the playlists of big-box stores.

On their own, either of these constitutes an irritation, much like the evening mosquito in the tent on the camping trip. You try and swat it away but you know that another will return in moments to suck your blood.

But when Muzak and the Christmas jingle are combined, a potent and dangerous mutation is formed: Frankenmuzak. An examble of Frankenmuzak would be Jingle Bells in the style of Muzak.

This typist wonders if there is a human being alive who hears a Frankenmuzak version of Jingle Bells and thinks "Oh, what a nice tune. I think I'll dash out to buy more products and services!" And more to the point, is there a human alive who hears Frankenmuzak and doesn't want to commit a random act of vandalism against a Christmas elf, talking tree or the red nose of a reindeer?

Let us save the Christmas elves, talking trees and red noses of the reindeer and ban Frankenmuzak. The world will be a better place and Christmas a happier time for one and all.

The Cheddar Chronicles: afternoon repose

Ok, so I happen to like stretching out in the sunshine for a little nap in the afternoon. It's warm. It's quiet. I have nothing else to do. I'm a cat. This isn't unusual behaviour for a beast of leisure.

So, why all the fuss? You'd think I'm Mick Jagger lounging on the table in the sunshine the way She starts shouting at everyone to come and see and then goes running for that cursed camera like a member of the paparazzi. And how many times do I have to remind Her that the flash bulb is an intrusive and unnecessary imposition on my afternoon repose?

I'm afraid She's left me with no choice but to file a complaint. You have to show these people who's boss and be willing to take all measures. I'm hoping that just the threat will allocate Her to Her proper place in the order of things.

Beware bread! Beware statistics!

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers. 3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

This article was written by B.S. Wheatberry in a desert after consuming mass quantities of yeast bread then realizing his canteen was empty.

Favourite typist's quote

"What's another word for thesaurus?"

-- Steven Wright.

Dancing and drinking through the bombs

It's the second week of October 1940. London is under heavy bombardment and Ambulance Girl is witness to a deadly incident. It takes days to shake off the Charing Cross tube bombing. The best cure is dancing to Billy Cotton and his Orchestra at the Paramount Dance Hall. Oh, and a few gin and tonics help too. Follow this link to the fourth installment of the Ambulance Girl's Blitz blog.

U2 live in Ottawa

One year ago today, this typist left the stenopool early to go and see this band live at the Corel Centre in Ottawa. Typed words cannot describe the experience, nor can spoken words.
But the fact that this typist is marking the one-year anniversary of that night speaks volumes. These pictures were taken by an old friend who had one of the best seats in the house. Above, the messianic Bono.

Bono and basist Adam Clayton

The Edge tearing off a riff for Bono

U2 live in Ottawa

The bottom feeders have won

And it wasn't Canada that torpedoed negotiations on deep-seas bottom trawling at United Nations. It was Iceland.

The final agreement has more loopholes in it than a fisherman's sweater,” said Karen Sack, Greenpeace International Oceans Policy Advisor who has been monitoring the negotiations at the UN, "It does nothing to significantly change the way our oceans are managed."

They were getting close to an agreement that, in the absense of a complete moratorium, would protect vulnerable areas of the ocean, but Iceland refused to compromise. The document - with all its holes - will be passed by the UN in December.

This comes as bad news for Coral Clad, the Deep Seas Trawling Moratorium gang, fisheries scientists, moratorium-friendly countries and this typist who were all calling for a temporary ban on deep seas trawling until seabeds could be studied and plans made for protection.

Australia, New Zealand, the Pacific Island States, the United States, Brazil, India, South Africa, India, Chile, Germany, European Community (which includes Spain) and Canada supported strong action.

News and reaction is still coming in, but there is word of a new campaign to tighten market access to bottom-trawled fish. In addition, a global network of marine reserves has been established to monitor nations involved in high seas bottom trawl fishing.

It will be interesting to see how Canada, a nation that practices bottom-trawling, responds to the new campaigns to manage and protect ocean resources.

Promo Girl creep

This typist applauds the creep of CBC radio Promo Girl to greener pastures in the private TV sector. The chirpy, playful, generously-inflected and faux ironic voice is a good fit for the Sears Christmas commercials she's been doing lately. And were those the dulcet tones of ProGo we heard doing the Swiffer commercials for Showcase Diva? Perfect. (Note the chirpy, playful, generously inflected, faux irony of that first paragraph.)

May these new pastures be green for the Mezza Voce of CBC radio because the chirpy, playful, generously-inflected, faux ironic timbre of ProGo is not a good fit for the promotion of stories on Darfur, the World War I or Rwanda.

If you're going to be fun and playful, ProGo, you should stick to fun and playful subject matter such as Sears Christmas commercials and Swiffers (if cleaning floors with designer rags is your idea of fun.)

The world covered by CBC Radio deserves more than the wink-wink-nudge-nudge treatment of the Progo Voce. Sears and Swiffer are far more deserving of your generously-inflected talents than are Rwanda, World War I and Darfur.

Doctor knows best

Here is a conversation between a patient and a very sensible doctor.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are
these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). Pork chop can give you 100%of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Are fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

Words that should be banned: Canada's new government

Our words this week: Canada's new government.

In September this typist informed you about the minority Conservative government's wish to have itself referred to as Canada's new government. There would be no more references to the "Canadian Government" or "Government of Canada." No, the word "new" was now mandatory.

So dogmatic is this minority Conservative government that it fired a senior government scientist who dared protest the edict. Of course, Dr. Andrew Okulitch was immediately reinstated when the minority Conservative government realized that firing employees for refusing to use authorized words is more in keeping with iron-fisted dictatorships than open democracies. Thank goodness for a free press, although it did not escape this typist's notice that the good scientist got his job back only after the story hit the press. This speaks volumes of this government.

Let's protest the churlish and petty actions of this minority Conservative government by refusing to use its shiny new words. Let's ban the words Canada's new government and see if they try to fire us. In fact, let's just ban Canada's new government altogether.

Green with determination II

After seeing Al Gore's documentary An Inconvenient Truth, Anna Banana didn't just sit there fretting and wringing her hands. She did something about it. Last week her Green Mile Walk arrived at the Nova Scotia Legislature. There, Anna and members of her Climate Action Now group pinned green ribbons to the lapels of politicians who'd seen the documentary.

Anna wanted to raise awareness of global warming amongst politicians who have the power to do something about it. Well, she's done that, and much more by showing us that regular folks do have the power to make change, even when the issue is as big and daunting as global warming. This typist salutes your courage and determination, Anna Banana.

Risley's believe it or not II

For the benefit of Clearwater Seafoods chairman John Risley who last week stated that "there is zero scientific evidence, not one shred of scientific evidence, that these [bottom trawling] fisheries do any damage to the bottom environment whatsoever," this typist has trawled for some photographic evidence showing that bottom trawling does damage the bottom environment.

The Norwegian Institute for Marine Research surveyed coral reefs on the Norwegian Continental Shelf which has been bottom trawled since the 30s.

Researchers found dead coral fragments, broken corals in living colonies and trawler scars running through coral beds, all evidence of bottom trawling. They concluded that between 30 and 50 % of coral reefs in Norway were damaged. This institute advises the Nowwegian government which has declared its support for the moratorium on bottom trawling being discussed this week at the United Nations. Canada has refused to support the moratorium.

The photograph above shows dead Lophelia and gorgonians in an area which had been bottom trawled.

Crushed remains of Lophelia skeletons are spread across a barren seabed which has been bottom trawled. A scar stretches across the photograph, the path of a trawl.

Here is a green boot among corals, 7 April 1999.

Remains of fishing gear among broken corals.

Favourite gossip quote

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.


- Oscar Wilde

Ack ack fire wears on Blitz Ambulance Girl

The constant noise of anti-aircraft "ack ack" fire is beginning to wear on the nerves of the Blitz Ambulance Girl as she endures the first month of the aerial bombardments on London.

Moaning minny sirens are going day and night, usually followed by Jerry bombers who drop fire from the sky. Click here to read Ambulance Girl's Blitz blog for first week of October 1940. Click here to start at the beginning in August of 1940. Click here for explanation of Ambulance Girl Blitz Blog.

Risley's believe it or not!

This is the response of Chronicle-Herald cartoonist Bruce MacKinnon to the ludicrous comment by John Risley of Clearwater Seafoods that "there is zero scientific evidence, not one shred of scientific evidence, that these fisheries do any damage to the bottom environment whatsoever."

He was referring to the campaign for a temporary moratorium on bottom trawling in international waters.

Mr. Risley's comment is patently wrong but it is instructive in that it provides a blunt articulation of the naked vested interests at play in the debate surrounding deep-seas bottom trawling.

Mr. Risley is chairman of Clearwater Seafoods, a company that uses 19 trawlers to harvest seafood in Canadian waters.

If Mr. Risley took a moment to Google for peer-reviewed scientific studies on deep-seas trawling and its impact on marine ecosystems, he would find a litany.

But this isn't the point of his comments. Mr. Risley has spoken out to grab headlines. He knows that a moratorium on bottom trawling in international waters will put pressure on his company to stop the practice in Canadian waters. Sadly for Mr. Risley, his remarks are so off base that he has discredited himself, Clearwater and fisheries companies that use bottom trawling.

He has also discredited the Canadian government which is refusing to support the proposed UN moratorium on deep-seas trawling. Fisheries Minister Loyola Hearn says it would be too difficult to police international waters. Hmmm, this sounds like another of Mr. Risley's comments: "What is the good of adding more laws when the problem is that people are paying no attention to the existing laws?"

Could Mr. Risley's ludicrous comments be a blunt articulation of the Canadian government's position on this issue?

Shadow dancing

Shadows are like photographic negatives.
When you look at a negative you see its subject matter with such clarity, yet the image is profoundly altered. Shadows also bring a clarity, but they offer their subject matter through a different lens of perception. There is less information in a shadow, but it's so much more evocative. These shadow shots were taken over a period of five years. Above, a group of friends exits a covered walkway in the low light of evening.






Two children stake their claim against the watery glass of a Victorian sash window.














A young girl cuddles her dolly.




Ferry passengers lean on the railing,
admiring the
ocean view








Two forms cast a negative image against the brilliant red cliffs of PEI.

Down with the bottom feeders IX

If a rogue combine harvester were raking the ecosystems of the Rocky Mountains, killing all plants and animals in its path, do you think the government of Canada could call for a stop to this distructive practice?

You bet they would.

But when underwater mountains are raked by a marine harvesting activity that kills plants and animals in its path, the government of Canada refuses to call for a stop to this destructive practice.

This week, yet another study is highlighting the irreparable damage that bottom trawling is doing to marine life and habitats in international waters.

"There is an urgency, first of all, to deal with regulating those fisheries and secondly to get out there and look at those habitats before they are gone," said Dr Alex Rogers, of the Zoological Society of London and a co-author of the report. "Fish hundreds of years old are being decimated as a result of this trawling."

Last week, marine scientists and environmentalists travelled to Ottawa to plead with the Fisheries Minister to change his stance. But Loyola Hearn stood firm on his decision against a moratorium on deep seas bottom trawling.

He justifies his decision by saying it's too hard to regulate activities in international waters.

Yes, Minister Hearn, it is hard. And so is fighting AIDS in Africa and terrorists overseas. It is very hard, but that does not give you licence to ignore the research, expertise and advice of marine scientists - in Canada and around the world - who are warning of the great destruction bottom-trawling is wreaking on marine life and habitats?

Fish live and survive in these marine habitats, Minister Hearn, fish that you eat. If those habitats are destroyed, the fish will die and no one will eat them. This is what the scientists are telling you.

You are pitting Canada against the US, Britain, Norway, France, Australia, New Zealand, the Pacific nations and Brazil who have all said they will support of the United Nations moratorium in December.

Minister Hearn, your government is swimming against an international tide favouring preservation of the environment. And your government is failing to recognize that Canadians - despite your government's positions on the environment - still regard themselves as an environmentally responsible people.

Have courage, Minister Hearn. Vote in favour of the moratorium on bottom trawling. You'll never regret it.

Visit new blog at your own risk

This typist has been holding back on something for the past few months. But the time has come to confess that there is another typist, an alter ego called Slack Woman.

Some of you may have noticed that Slack Woman can be reached through a link of the same name in the right margin. This typist hesitated to link Slack Woman, but finally gave into her demands. It was just easier that way.

Recently, this Slack Woman started her own blog to answer demand for an archive of past ramblings. And be warned: this what they are, ramblings, nothing more, nothing less.

This typist will not offer an opinion on the work of this Slack Woman, other than to say that this typist is the true Gifted Typist. Slack Woman is a limp-fingered wannabe who doesn't know her way around a Qwerty board and can't type more than 20 wpm. And it has always been thus.

This typist sends you her way because Slack Woman occupies the same mind, body and fingers as this typist. To refuse would be to risk a civil war of alter egos. And that would mean counselling, shrink bills and group therapy.

And so I give you the Slack Woman Archive. As you read her twaddle, please know that you are always welcome back to the blog of this typist.

Visit Slack Woman on http://slacker-archive.blogspot.com, but do so at your own risk. This typist assumes no responsiblity.

The difference 33 years can make

This typist was alive in 1973, but remembers little of the culture beyond The Partridge Family, DeFranco Family and The Jetsons.

The following circular has much to teach us about the difference 33 years can make. Hold onto your hats, anyone over the age of 45, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

1973: Long hair
2006: Longing for hair

1973: KEG
2006: EKG

1973: Acid rock
2006: Acid reflux

1973: Moving to California because it's cool
2006: Moving to California because it's warm

1973: Trying to look like Liz Taylor
2006: Trying NOT to look like Liz Taylor

1973: Seeds and stems
2006: Roughage

1973: Hoping for a BMW
2006: Hoping for a BM

1973: The Grateful Dead
2006: Dr. Kevorkian

1973: Going to a new, hip joint
2006: Receiving a new hip joint

1973: Rolling Stones
2006: Kidney Stones

1973: Being called into the principal's office
2006: Calling the principal's office

1973: Screw the system
2006: Upgrade the system

1973: Disco
2006: Costco

1973: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2006: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1973: Passing the drivers' test
2006: Passing the vision test

1973: Whatever
2006: Depends

Favourite birth control quote

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion
- Spike Milligan, British writer and comedian

Blitzkrieg!

Visit the Ambulance Girl Blitz Blog and follow the young ambulance auxiliary into the first days of the London Blitz. This second installment of the Ambulance Girl Blitz Blog documents the first two weeks of September 1940. The weather was hot and sunny and the moaning minnies were beginning to fray nerves until that fateful day on September 7th when the bombs began to drop and all hell broke loose.

To begin at the first installment click here. For introduction to the fiction-based-on-fact blitz blog, click here.

Morning on the Northumberland ferry

One day in summer, this typist left the steno pool for a ride on the Northumberland ferry.
The ferry fairies must have been hovering over that day because the typist's car was the last to board the 8 o'clock run. And this stroke of luck extended the PEI holiday by a full 90 minutes. The typist found the starboard deck of the ferry awash in morning sunlight which gave brilliant constrasts of red on white.
It didn't seem dangerous, but all around were red signs of warning and safety.








No man's land










In case of fire, turn on tap














A woman's washroom?













In a pinch, use a winch














Fire extinguisher with green tag of approval









A red axe to grind, but only in an emergency

Words that should be banned: War on Terror

Wars are declared by nation states on other nation states, as in Britain declared war on Germany in 1939.

Wars can sometimes be civil wars in which different factions within a nation state go to war with each other - the American Civil War.

Wars can also be declared on undesirable objects such as illegal drugs, but usage of the word "war" is generally accepted as metaphorical and involving no military aggression.

But a War on Terror?

According to my dictionary, terror is a noun defined as "an intense, sharp, overmastering fear." How does a nation state engage in warfare with "an intense, sharp, overmastering fear?" Does "intense, sharp, overmastering fear" fight back in retaliation? Are there Geneva Conventions on warfare conducted with "intense, sharp, overmastering fear?" Can we take POWs from "an intense, sharp, overmastering fear?"

No. We cannot because terror lives within ourselves. A War on Terror is a war against our deepest, darkest fears. It is a war against ourselves.

Remember that the next time they take away a civil liberty in the name of the War on Terror.

Medicine of yore

A number of years ago, this typist visited the Old Operating Theatre Museum and Herb Garret in London. Set in the charming timber-frame attic of an old English Baroque church in Southwark, the museum provided a fascinating window into medical practices of yore.

For example:

Q. How were surgical procedures conducted in the days before anaesthetics?
A. Fast. An amputation could be carried out in less than a minute.

Q. How were surgeons trained before the end of the 19th century?
A. Through apprenticeship - in the same way that butchers, bakers and candlestick makers were trained. Physicians went to university.

Q. What was the purpose of the herb Quassia?
A. When combined with sulphuric acid, it was a cure for drunkeness and, if combined with enough
H2SO4, undoubtedly a cure for life.

Q. And the herb root galangal?
A. A drug to encourage flatulence.

Also discovered were rules for the taking in of patients at St.Thomas' Hospital, London, in the 18th century. They are presented in order of priority.

1. Evidence of ability to pay for burial shroud and other expenses.
2. Explain when distemper commenced
3. Explain nature/symptoms of distemper
4. Show that distemper is not incurable
5. Pay 2s 6d if cleane, 5s if foule (venereal disease)
6. Foule patients straying from venereal wards will be expelled.

Other notes of toe-curling interest were gynaecologic tools such as the cervical dilator - "a metal instrument with eight prongs that moved out from central point by adjusting screws at end." Ouch.

Also amusing was the desired outcome for a patient receiving cupping and scarification, or bloodletting: "Faintness, skin pallid, heart beat reduced, fever cooled, restlessness replaced with shock-like state." Bleeding a patient of a quart over two days usually did the trick.

Ambulance-Girl Blitz Blog

This typist wants to draw your attention to her new blog: Ambulance-Girl Blitz Blog

It is a fictionalized account of the first Blitz on London, 1940-41. The blog explores the devastating aerial bombardments through the eyes of a young ambulance auxiliary who was based on the ground in Dolphin Square, which served as the ambulance depot for Pimlico, 1939-45.

The characters are made up, but the horrific events are historically accurate, based on archival research, Mass Observation documents and interviews with surviving members of the London Auxiliary Ambulance Service (LAAS). Many details were found in Angela Raby's The Forgotten Service, the only book detailing the activities of the LAAS. The painting above is featured on the cover of that book.

The experiences of these ambulance auxiliaries, while different in time, place and military context, have to be similar to those of ambulance personnel serving in cities such as Baghdad and Kandahar. The Ambulance-Girl Blitz blog is part of a manuscript which placed as a finalist in the HR Percy Award for Unpublished Novel in the Atlantic Writers Competition, 2004.

This typist will post bite-sized exerpts twice weekly and provide links from this blog.

Favourite getting old quote

I'd rather be 75 years old sitting on a rocking chair regretting the things I'd done rather than the things I hadn't done.

- Michael Caine, British actor.

Down with Bottom Feeders VIII

According to the Toronto Globe and Mail, Fisheries Minister Loyola Hearn prefaced a statement on global warming and the impact it is having on marine life by saying that he is no scientist.

Well, Minister Hearn, you said it!

You are not a scientist. You are a politician and as such you have a responsibility to listen to scientists when they inform you that trawling the high seas is going to devastate marine life.

In a scrum with Canadian journalists on Friday, non-scientist Hearn defended his refusal to support a ban on deep seas trawling. "It's on the high seas, which means it's completely unregulated and unenforcable so it means practically nothing."

But a real scientist has challenged the non-scientist. Dalhousie professor Boris Worm said the UN banned drift nets in 1992 and that this ban has been respected. Dr. Worm is the author of a widely-published report linking global warming to a collapse of fish stocks.

While non-scientist Hearn reluctantly acknowledged the link between global warming and the depletion of fish stocks, he is sticking firmly to his decision not to support the moratorium. This decision puts non-scientist Hearn opposite the US, UK, France, Norway, Australia, Brazil, Pacific Island Nations, India, South Africa, New Zealand and The Gifted Typist who all support the moratorium.

Earlier in the week protests were held all over the world to raise support for the ban. In New Zealand, "Sea Mounties" (Greenpeace activists dressed as Canadian Mounties) protested outside the Canadian embassy in Wellington with a banner saying "Shame on Canada - Stop deep-sea destruction".

This typist hopes that non-scientist Hearn either starts listening to real scientists or signs up for Marine Biology 101 so he can inform his decisions with better information.

There is a petition that you can sign to show your support for a moratorium on deep seas trawling.

Nova Scotia calendar boys

Here's something for the lady who has everything. It's the lobstermen of South West Nova baring it all for cancer. The lobstermen have taken it all off for a calendar that aims to raise $100,000 for a cancer centre in South Western Nova Scotia.

This typist applauds the vision ;-) of the all-female committee and the photographer Sherman Hines who donated to this project.

You can order now to get your 2007 version of Nova Scotia's Calendar Boys.

Words that should be banned: parenting

The Oxford English dictionary shows no entries for parenting used as a verb. And who can blame them? I mean, really:

I parent?
You parent?
He/She parents?

Please!

And even worse:

We are parenting?
You (plural) are parenting?
They are parenting?

Gag me with a rototiller!

Parenting is a word that bristles with vested interest and artful conjuring. Parenting appears as an adjective before words like skills and style. It masquerades as an honorable aspiration and an example of best practice.

But don't be fooled, parents, because parenting is a weasel word invoked by parenting experts who are quoted in parenting magazines and parenting websites that purport to educate, but that are really selling products pitched at parents.

Parenting attempts to sap a parent of confidence in their own instincts, seed doubt and then offer products to fill the void. Parenting is a tool of guerilla marketing. It has nothing to do with being a good mum or dad.

Let's rid the language of parenting for the sake of the parents.

Smashed, predictably

It is the ultimate insult for the gifted typist: the cliche. But alas, cliche was the fate of the pumpkin-on-steriods on halloween night. It was smashed.

This typist would like to thank the smashers for making the job of disposing of the 200lb gourd a little easier, if cliche.

This typist would also like to thank the smashers for smashing the pumpkin, and not the cat.

Then again, perhaps smashing the latter might
have done the former a favour. Kidding.

The typist loves the cat.