Words that should be banned: Delusional Calgaria

Yes, the Delusional Calgaria campaign to get Nova Scotians back home is cute and funny. Yes, Nova Scotians have a good sense of humour, a great lifestyle, cheaper rentals, smaller traffic jams and a kinder gentler pace of life.

But the cute campaign by Rodney MacDonald's Nova Scotia government misses the point. It confuses the build-it-and-they-will-come philosophy with a build-a-website-and-make-everyone-think-they-will-come approach.

Sure the cute campaign is getting publicity. But to what end? What, Rodney, do you suppose all these ex-pat Nova Scotians are going to come back to? Jobs in call centres? Retail? Fast food? Perhaps they can work on Delusional Calgaria websites.

The Delusional Calgaria campaign doesn't insult Calgary or Calgarians. It insults the battery Nova Scotians who left - often against their will - to pursue work and opportunities.

Most of them didn't want to abandon all the great things in Nova Scotia. They left to get good paying jobs and to get them quickly so they can pay off student debt among other things. They left for an enterprise culture that will produce opportunities and skills, the things they need to build their future.

If anyone looks delusional here, it is the government of Nova Scotia for making such a ludicrous pitch. If you build it, they will come. But if you just say it, they will not. And who could blame them?

A Monty Python take on IEDs

Here is TagBagger's Pythonesque take on IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices) which we banned in the previous post. Cynical? Or just calling a bomb a bomb. It was pulled out of GT comments.

1)The 'good guys' use REAL 'Bombs' - only evil terrorists use IED's - because they are the bad guys

2)They are also bad guys because they refuse to fight fair by the definition of the "Coalition' occupying armies - this is very bad, and shows a weak moral war compass.

3)The media uses IED, because it sounds cool, and shows that they appreciate the briefings they get from the good guys. They demonstrate their gratitude by turning off their camera as the Governor General is toured through the army vehicles that have been damaged by the 'bad evil guys' IED's - if they didn't, one might begin to wonder just who is good, and who is bad - which is a slippery slope.

Remember kids - Bombs=Good (esp. the new smart bombs that only kill bad guys and women and children who will at some point in the future become bad guys for sure)

IED's=Bad - unfair evil war cheating terrorists heroically fighting the Western occupying armies in their own country... (Oh wait, I'm getting confused here) Bombs=Good, IED's=Bad, UsGood, ThemBad - always remember kids - the 'Other' is always bad.

Words that should be banned: IED

Why can't we just call a bomb a bomb?

Sure, there are different types of bombs. There are big bombs, little bombs, fertilizer bombs, smart bombs, pipe bombs, incendiary bombs, doodlebug bombs, cluster bombs, nail bombs, roadside bombs and bath bombs.

IED is military nomenclature for "improvised explosive device."
Why don't they just say homemade bomb?

And why do does the media use this lingo? It's fine for an organization like the military to have its jargon, but if the terminology doesn't enhance our understanding, then why use it? Just because we can?

IED? Sounds like IUD - Intra Uterine Device - not a roadside bomb.
It also sounds like WMD, a little-roll-off-the-tongue device picked up by media hungry for war ratings in another time and place.

Let's ban IED and keep the communication real and honest.

Words that should be banned: Rodney MacDonald

Not from the gymnasium, from the fiddle or from the step-dancing floor, but Rodney MacDonald should be banned from the playground of provincial politics.

This morning we had an episode of Rodney's Believe it or Not! featuring our premier on radio answering yet more questions on another cabinet minister's brush with police. Has our young step-dancing, fiddling-playing premier not learned the lessons of the Ernie Fage affair?

Meanwhile his province is trying to pick itself up again after the sucker punch dealt by Stephen Harper's budget. It presented Nova Scotia with a sort of Sophie's Choice for federal support: either give up the offshore accord that would allow this have-not province keep more oil and gas royalties, or receive less money in federal transfers.

For Rodney's Nova Scotia that means receiving $5 million less if the province opts to keep the accord negotiated with the Liberal government.

While Newfoundland's premier Danny Williams is spitting bullets and threatening fire and brimstone against Stephen Harper's Tories, Rodney comes out with a few flaccid comments about federal MPs having some explaining to do. And he won't even commit to a flaccid comment on campaigning against the federal Conservatives in the next election.

Rodney, your province has a $12.5 billion debt. It's bleeding workers, young people and taxpayers to Alberta. Its population is aging and needs hospitals, senior's homes and services. Its resource economy is in decline. And now it's getting kicked in the head by a Conservative Prime Minister who is doling out the dosh to the big provinces to buy his longed-for majority.

Even if you made it look as though you have a grasp on these problems, you might give us a reason not to ban you just yet. But alas, Rodney, you aren't even doing a good of pretending.

Let's ban Rodney MacDonald from Nova Scotia politics.
Let's get Danny Williams to Nova Scotia. Stat!

Words that should be banned: Commonwealth Games

Because enough is enough!

Yes, Nova Scotia has a black eye after the Commonwealth bid failure.

Yes, the political leadership here is spectacularly uninspired.

Yes, the Commonwealth bid committee sold us a bill of goods when they got us into the bid by saying the games would cost $500 million when in fact the number was closer to $1.7 billion.

Yes, the bid committee treated taxpayers like dupes rather than stakeholders.

Yes, Nova Scotia has an obesity problem and a shortage of recreational and athletic training facilities.

Yes, Nova Scotia is aging, facing population stagnation and out-migration, and unable to offer university graduates jobs that will sustain student loan payments.

Yes, Nova Scotia is anchored to the past, unwelcoming to new immigrants, resistant to change, and suspicious of the enterprise culture that will generate jobs, a bigger tax base and the population growth necessary to sustain our lifestyle.

Yes, Nova Scotia carries a $12.5 billion debt, the second highest per capita in Canada.

And yes, the Commonwealth Games bid has shone a bright light on these deficiencies.

It's all be said, so now let's stop beating ourselves up about the Commonwealth Games. Let's roll up our sleeves and do something about it other than hand wringing, gainsaying and finger pointing.

Let's save ourselves from ourselves and ban the word Commonwealth Games.

Words that should be banned: woo woo (!)

There is no question that a public performance of music is one of life's great pleasures, unless you happen to find yourself in vicinity of a "woo woo" artist.

You know the "woo woo" artist. This is an individual so taken with the pleasure of the moment, they channel their exaltation through the "woo woo."

This is a loud, often shrill expression produced by curling the mouth into an O-shape and forcing air from the lungs, across the larynx and out through the O-shaped mouth to make a long-winded, high-decibel and oft-repeated "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" sound.

Now, this typist does not mind a "woo" here or a "woo" there to express heightened appreciation and has on occasion used the "woo" to that end. It is not the "woo" or the "wooing" itself that causes ire, but rather compulsive use of the "woo woo" by a "woo woo" artist in close proximity.

The overuse of the "woo woo" belittles its power to appreciate. If you "woo" at everything, then you contribute to a situation of appreciation inflation. Too much "woo woo" renders an audience incapable of distinguishing the good from the very good, or the very good from the outstanding.

Why not intersperse the "woo woo" with other expressions of appreciation like Hooray!, or it's abbreviation "Yeah!." And then there are the variants: "Yippy" and "Yeee-haaaa" and "Yaa-hoo." (Although in the last instance we could be limited by copyright and trademark issues.) And what about the good old-fashioned hand clap? Has this ceased to be adequate in the age of the "woo woo."

While there is no direct evidence that the "woo woo" is a risk factor for vocabulary dysfunction, an over reliance of the "woo woo" may lead those in close proximity to the "woo woo" artist to speculate on vocabulary deficiencies.

By the end of the evening, close neighbours of the "woo woo" artist might wonder if the "woo woo" is not a device to seize attention away from the performing artist and re-direct it towards the "woo woo" artist him or herself.

It would not be a huge leap to conclude that the"woo woo" may in fact be motivated by a "look-at-me" imperative, which seems so contrary to the purpose of applauding a performer in the first place.

And so for these reasons the "woo woo" must be banned. If people abuse it, then they will have to lose it.

The irony of ironic

"It is tragically ironic." This is how Andrew Pipe, president of Commonwealth Games Canada responded to news that Halifax had dropped its bid for the games.

Ironic, Mr. Pipe?

Irony is a device to express an opposite meaning. A mini-van with flames of speed painted on the side is an example of visual irony. Dropping the games may be unexpected to Mr. Pipe. It may be disappointing. It may be shocking. But ironic it is not.

This is Morissettian, to use a term coined by Jon Winotur. It is in reference to Alanis Morissette's 90's hit song Ironic which described as "ironic" things that are actually disappointing, coincidental or just plain bad luck. (Rain on your wedding day is bad luck, not ironic; getting stuck in a traffic jam when you're late is frustrating, not ironic.)

But a song Called "Irony" that describes things that are un-ironic? Now that, Mr. Pipe, is irony.

There is also an argument to be made against his use of the word "tragic" to describe the dropping to the games bid, but we'll leave Mr. Pipe to contemplate his use of irony for now.

Words that should be banned: racial realism

Jared Taylor is a racial realist. He believes that black people are genetically and intellectually inferior and are more sexually promiscuous than other races.

Taylor promotes the idea that races should be segregated from each other, blacks kept with blacks, hispanics with hispanics, whites with whites. Racial diversity and mixing, according to Taylor, leads to social conflict and disharmony. Segregation will enhance society, he believes. Taylor says he is not a white supremacist but rather a white separatist.

Taylor is the driving force behind The New Century Foundation, a think tank which publishes American Resistance, a journal that calls itself “a literate, undeceived journal of race, immigration and the decline of civility.” Taylor is joined in his movement by such racial luminaries as David Duke, white nationalist and supremacist, and the British National Party made up of white nationalists, anti-semitics and neo-fascists.

People in these organizations never call themselves racists. They are racial realists, race relations experts and racial separatists. They practice race realism, not racism. The cloak their racist values in the intellectual terminology used by groups seeking freedom from racial oppression.

Let's ban the term racial realism. Let's call a racist a racist. And while we're at it, let's keep Jared Taylor from spreading his wolf-dressed-in-lamb's-clothing racist poison. Ban him from Halifax too.

Words that should be banned: hipster parents

Much is being said lately of the Hipster Parent, most of it negative. Time magazine recently printed a screed entitled Too Cool for Preschool and New York Times columnist David Brooks dissed the trend of turning a six-month old into a logo for the lastest indie rock band or for Mummy's blog.

This typist has also critiqued the Yummy Mummy syndrome in which mummies pamper and ornament themselves and regard their offspring as cute accoutrement's.

They are one and the same, Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies. They believe their style and behaviors are individualistic and that they are rebelling against the imposed parental expectations.

But in reality Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies are not rebels but sheep. They Baa Baa to the consumerist instruction to express identities through branded logos which they purchase and wear on their clothes, on their skin (tattoos) and on their babies.

They have been told by the Macintosh Corporation that i-brands = cool and so they have gone out and dutifully bought those i-products. Hipster parents and Yummy Mummies seek direction for their indie babies through websites like Babyrazzi which features the style and behaviour of celebs such as Gwyneth and Moses, Posh and Brooklyn, Britany and, oh never mind that one.

Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies believe they are re-inventing parenthood or perhaps inventing it for the first time. They are wrong about that. But more to the point, they are wrong to impose their consumer branded identifies on their six-month olds. They lack imagination and taste.

Let's ban Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies and leave our babies to form their own identities.

Gitmo North = Canada II

Gitmo North - the country formerly known as Canada - has shed its Guantanamo Bay-like anti-terrorism laws. Parliament voted not to extend extraordinary anti-terrorism laws allowing authorities to detain and interrogate terrorism suspects.

(Gitmo is the familiar and folksy pet name used for terrorist detainment centre at Guantanomo.)

The vote was a defeat for the minority govenment of Gitmo North which pushed to have these extraordinary powers extended for three years. Last week the Supreme Court struck down the security certificate allowig authorities to detain and deport non-citizens on a suspicion of terrorism.

Sadly, the Prime Minister of Gitmo North advocates anti-democratic laws such as these measures. Until Prime Minister Gitmo is removed, the country formerly known as Canada will have to remain Gitmo North.

Broken link in Gitmo North (formerly known as Canada)

Either the goverment of Gitmo North - formerly known as Canada - is having trouble with its web services or they haven't figured out what to say now that the Supreme Court has struck down its Security Certificate Terrorism law. (See next post for more on the Guantanamo Bay or Gitmo-like terrorism laws of Canada. )

When you click on the Canadian Border and Security to see what Gitmo North has to say about its Security Certificate program, you get the following Error 404 message. Go ahead, click here and try for yourself.

We're sorry, but you've either clicked on a broken hyperlink
or tried to access a page whose Web address has changed.
When someone clicks
on a broken hyperlink, our system automatically logs the problem so we can fix
it as part of our regular maintenance.
We invite you to visit the main
menu and explore our site. Or hit "Back" in your
Web browser's toolbar to return to the last Web page you visited.

We can but hope that the Security Certificate programthat allowed authorities to detain and deport non-citizens based on suspicion of terrorism is considered "the problem" which will have to be "fixed" as part of the website's regular maintenance.

Canada = Gitmo North

Last week we discussed Gitmo, the US facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where detainees can be held indefinitely without charge or legal representation. Gitmo exists outside of American soil because the US constitution protects people against this sort of activity.

Here in Gitmo North - formerly known as Canada - authorities can detain people without arrest and force them to testify in secret trials. And until the Supreme Court struck down the security certificate last week, authorities could also detain and deport non-citizens based on suspicion of terrorism. No US Constitution to worry about in Gitmo North.

Today parliamentarians of Gitmo North will debate the provisions that allow authorities to detain people without arrest and force them to testify in secret. The Prime Minister of Gitmo North would like to see these provisions extended. We can hope that civil liberties will prevail over oppression of democratic rights.

The unanimous Supreme Court finding that security certificates breach rights was encouraging, but citizens of the country formerly known as Canada should be fearful because the Prime Minister of Gitmo North has made it clear that he has plans to populate the Supreme Court with judges who think more like he does and more like the architects of Gitmo, Cuba.

Words that should be banned: Gitmo

This fun-loving Disneyesque term describes the US military base at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. Gitmo is where detainees are kept. Detainees are people arrested on suspicions of terrorist activity.

Gitmo detainees are held outside the US so that activities there are not restricted to the US Constitution which states that arrested people have a right to a lawyer and cannot be held indefinitely without charge. At Gitmo, you can hold them as long as you like and never provide lawyer. At Gitmo, there are no Geneva Conventions on treatment of prisoners of war because the people held at Gitmo are not prisoners. They are detainees.

Gitmo is a term used by US military and political insiders. It is colloquial and folksy. Gitmo should not be used by media organizations such as CBC radio which recently mentioned the fun-loving term several times in a broadcast.

Yes, CBC it is fun to say Gitmo just like it's fun to say Bingo or Dumbo or Satchmo. But saying in saying the fun word Gitmo, you are getting into bed with the very fun-loving people who created and support its premise.

Let's ban Gitmo and call an undemocratic breach of US-style justice an undemocratic breach of US-style justice.

To Xerox or not to Xerox, that is the question

And speaking of corporations taking control of words and the way we use them, word has it that we typists are not allowed to use the word Xerox as a verb.

So we can no longer "Xerox" a document. And even more tragically, we can no longer Xerox our bums on the photocopier! Nor can we pretend to be busy at work by spending time "Xeroxing" things.

No, according to the Good Corp Xerox, we can only use the word as an adjective to describe a noun as in "Xerox machine" or "Xerox photocopier."

The Inquirer quotes Xerox on Xeroxing:

Please be advised that XEROX is a registered trademark of Xerox Corporation
and is properly used only as an adjective to identify our high quality products
and services. In the headline quoted above, the trademark is used improperly as
a verb. Such use constitutes a misuse of our trademark and tends to dilute its
distinctiveness. As an alternative, we suggest generic terms be used -- such as
"copying", "photocopying" or "duplicating".

Well here's what this typist has to say to Xerox:

I Xerox
You Xerox
He/she Xeroxes
We are Xeroxing
You have Xeroxed
They (pl) used to Xerox (and still do)

So go ahead, Xerox, sue me.

Words that should be banned: tall, grande, venti

Why ask for a"small" coffee when you can have a "tall?"
Who would settle for a mundane "medium" when a "grande" awaits?
And what's the use of proletarian "large" coffee when you can have a "venti?"

This is the new language - Starbucklish. Walk into a Starbucks and ask for a small and the coffee clerks - oops barristas! - roll their eyes. Don't cha know? Tall is the new small!

It's cool to speak Starbucklish. Come on. English is so passe. Grande is the new medium. Get with the picture people. It's cool to have a corporation appropriate the language. Is it even legal to use the word "tall" for any other purpose than to describe a small coffee while in Starbucks?

Don't cha know? Venti is the new large. It's cool to submit to their words and their categories. I mean, who wants to use their own mind and language when the corp. can do it for you?

Free agency? Oh please. That is so 18-century Enlightenment values! We're drones now. We do what the corp tells us and we say what the corp tells us because the corp says it's cool! And if the corp says it's cool, then we must must cool.

That's why people no longer get laid off. They get "rightsized" or "restructured" out of their jobs. That's what the corp says. How could getting "rightsized" out of a job possibly be a bad thing? You can spend your afternoons "dialoguing" with other rightsized team members and drink tall slim decafe vanilla lattes at the Bucks.

Isn't it cool?

Great moments in spin: tire burning is environmentally sound

An advertisement taken out by RRFB Nova Scotia in Monday's Chronicle-Herald newspaper appears under the headline "Using Scrap Tires as Fuel: an Environmentally Sound Decision." The ad contains a number of "Facts" to reassure readers that burning 900,000 used tires in the cement kiln of a Lafarge plan near Truro is a better environmental strategy than recycling those tires.

This typist noted the interesting little piece of back peddling that occurred in Fact 2 of the ad. It's headline read "Using scrap tires as a fuel source in the Brookfield cement kiln will not adversely affect the environment or human health."

But the explanation beneath this headline reads: "A recently independent review commissioned by RRFP Nova Scotia concluded that the use of tire-derived fuel in the Brookfield cement kiln should have no adverse effects on surrounding air quality and human health."

So, we go from the categoric WILL NOT in the headline, to the more qualified SHOULD HAVE NO ADVERSE EFFECTS. Is this a typo or an attempt by the advertiser to cover itself, you know, just in case?

Either way this typist is neither re-assured nor convinced. If the RRFB is so sure that burning almost 1 million used rubber tires is not harmful to environment and human health, shouldn't it be more careful about the words it uses in advertisements designed to reassure the humans who inhabit the environment where tires will burn?

Words that should be banned: MILF

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Words that should be banned: gash flash

We've all heard about it and some of us have seen it: Britney's gash flash. (If you want to see the the picture, you'll have to find it yourself.) Essentially, Britney Spears decided to go commando one evening and flashed herself to a salivating happy snappy paparazzi. The image was then posted to the Internet and everyone who wished to make a study of her external reproductive anatomy was free to do so.

This typist wonders what Britney will do next? Give us a fallopian flash? Or perhaps an ovarian reveal? We could have a cervix malfunction? And just think of what she could do with her uterus! I'm sure the PAParazzi could suggest more such re-pro reveals and mal-fos. It sort of makes the gash flash look dull.

Let's make the ultimate comment on gash flash and ignore completely. Let's not reward Britney for her boorish act. In fact, just just ban the word gash flash.
(thanks to Tagbagger for the tip)

Top 10 Gag-Me-With-A-Rototiller words of 2006

Here is a list of the most dreadful buzzwords of 2006 from Buzzwhack.
Thanks to WallyP.

1. leveraging our assets: The ultimate DUH in business. Every company attempts to leverage its assets. It only makes sense that companies put their resources, whether it's money, location or talent, to best use in order to make a profit?

2. mission-critical: Another sign that too many people in today's business world have read too many Tom Clancy books. What's wrong with the word "essential"?

3. conversate: To have a conversation. Created by those who (for some bizarre reason) don't think "converse" or "talk" are adequate.

4. information touchpoint: Any contact in which information is shared or transferred. Yes, meetings are information touchpoints.

5. synopsize: To condense the details of a boring, two-hour meeting into a briefer - yet still as boring - version.

6. electronify: The process of turning paper-based data into electronic or digital form.

7. price-optimized: Something sold as cheap as possible, particularly a stripped-down version of a previously successful, but expensive product. However, the price-optimized version is likely to have more flash and less substance.

8. targeted completion date: A comforting term that gives the impression a project will be finished by a certain date (but everyone involved knows there's no chance in hell of it happening).

9. surgerize: To have surgery. "Her face had been surgerized."

10. relanguage: Term used by $300-an-hour consultants when $1 words, such as reword, rephrase or rewrite, would work just as well. "I think we can relanguage that to be more effective."

Words that should be banned: Frankenmuzak

Muzak, that familiar synthetic replacement for the real thing, most often enters our lives in elevators or while we wait on hold for a customer service representative. Christmas jingles, on the other hand, start off with the best of intentions, but after years of over-play end up relegated to the playlists of big-box stores.

On their own, either of these constitutes an irritation, much like the evening mosquito in the tent on the camping trip. You try and swat it away but you know that another will return in moments to suck your blood.

But when Muzak and the Christmas jingle are combined, a potent and dangerous mutation is formed: Frankenmuzak. An examble of Frankenmuzak would be Jingle Bells in the style of Muzak.

This typist wonders if there is a human being alive who hears a Frankenmuzak version of Jingle Bells and thinks "Oh, what a nice tune. I think I'll dash out to buy more products and services!" And more to the point, is there a human alive who hears Frankenmuzak and doesn't want to commit a random act of vandalism against a Christmas elf, talking tree or the red nose of a reindeer?

Let us save the Christmas elves, talking trees and red noses of the reindeer and ban Frankenmuzak. The world will be a better place and Christmas a happier time for one and all.