IMglish words of day: CUL8R, WDALYIC

Today we begin a new series.

IMing, or instant messaging, is taking the English language by storm, reshaping the words we use, the way we phrase and the way we spell. Soon we won't recognize the language we learned in grade school because it will all be "CUL8R" and "WDALYIC"

If you don't know what that means, then you should learn because IMglish is here to stay. The first person to leave the correct translation for WDALYIC and CUL8R in comments wins the grand prize which will be announced when the correct answer is received.

Silhouetted fractals on my window

When I woke up on Saturday morning, these screened silhouettes were my first indication that it was cold outside and that there was a frosty fractal extravaganza on my bedroom window. Here is what what was seen when I rolled up the screen.

Great moments in spin: tire burning is environmentally sound

An advertisement taken out by RRFB Nova Scotia in Monday's Chronicle-Herald newspaper appears under the headline "Using Scrap Tires as Fuel: an Environmentally Sound Decision." The ad contains a number of "Facts" to reassure readers that burning 900,000 used tires in the cement kiln of a Lafarge plan near Truro is a better environmental strategy than recycling those tires.

This typist noted the interesting little piece of back peddling that occurred in Fact 2 of the ad. It's headline read "Using scrap tires as a fuel source in the Brookfield cement kiln will not adversely affect the environment or human health."

But the explanation beneath this headline reads: "A recently independent review commissioned by RRFP Nova Scotia concluded that the use of tire-derived fuel in the Brookfield cement kiln should have no adverse effects on surrounding air quality and human health."

So, we go from the categoric WILL NOT in the headline, to the more qualified SHOULD HAVE NO ADVERSE EFFECTS. Is this a typo or an attempt by the advertiser to cover itself, you know, just in case?

Either way this typist is neither re-assured nor convinced. If the RRFB is so sure that burning almost 1 million used rubber tires is not harmful to environment and human health, shouldn't it be more careful about the words it uses in advertisements designed to reassure the humans who inhabit the environment where tires will burn?

Acronym to verb of the year: FOIPOPed

FOIPOP is the unwieldy acronym for Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act of Nova Scotia.

Some politicians and government bureaucrats would prefer to keep a lid on certain information, but journalists use FOIPOP to force an unwanted disclosure.

"We were trying to keep the whole thing quiet, but CBC and Global foipoped us."

Following this logic we can conjugate the verb to foipop

I foipop
you foipop
he/she foipopped
we foipop
you (plural) foipopped
they foipopped

Foipop hasn't made it into the Blogger spell checker as yet, but we typists applaud this acronym to verb construction. Long live foipop.
(Thanks to Tagbagger)

Frost Bite(s)

There are advantages to having old-fashioned unsealed windows. On really cold mornings you wake up to a display of fractal art on your window. These patterns appeared on this typist's window on Saturday morning when the temperature was a chilly -17C.

Favourite model quote

I don't fancy models as much as I should. The older I get, the more I like meat with my gravy.

Hugh Grant, British actor

A joke women tell about men (Part II of previous joke)

This is the second part of another joke. If you're a man, read this first. If you're a woman, you don't have to read the first part.

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells wives. When men go to choose a wife, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.

"So, a man goes to the Wife Store to find a wife.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These women have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These women have jobs and love kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These women have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking."Wow," he thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

He goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These women have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and have big boobs"

Oh, mercy me!" he exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, he goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These women have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, have big boobs and love to have wild sex seven days per week.

He is so tempted to stay, but he goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no women on this floor. This floor is only gay men who have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, have big ****'s and love to have wild sex seven days per week. This floor exists solely as proof that men are impossible to please even when their women smart, beautiful and sexy.

Have fun boys and Thank you for shopping The Wife Store and the Husband Floor.

A joke that men tell about women

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building."

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

What to expectorate when you're expectorating in China

Shanghai cab drivers will be issued with "spit sacks" to curb their "hawking" habits. A sack will be fixed to the metal grill that surrounds the driver's seat so that phlegmatic cabbies and their passengers can make use of it.

The special sacks will be distributed to 45,000 taxis by the Shanghai Patriotic Sanitation Committee to curb spitting in public places, a habit Chinese authorities have long been trying to discourage."The 'no spitting' regulation came after Shanghai decided to make people give up the ugly and unhygienic habit and present a healthy city for the 2010 World Expo," the China Daily said.

The spit sack follows an earlier innovation in Shanghai's public hygiene, after the city attached spittoons to garbage cans on sidewalks, the newspaper reported. The spittoons, however, were not a success. Residents mistook them for ashtrays. Organisers of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, worried about the reaction of visitors, have repeatedly said the capital needs to teach its people to stand in line, stop spitting and littering and generally be better mannered.

Men, women: the difference revealed

It's a sad state of affairs; but a true state of affairs.

Thanks to Dick

Slacker's BIG surprise

The Slack Woman thought she was getting a "surprise" trip to the Caribbean this winter. As it turns out, the suprise she got was, well, an even bigger surprise. For more click here.

Bullrushes in winter

Shot outside Truro, Nova Scotia. 1/500, f8, 70-200, ISO 200

Merge words

You've heard of smog, a combination of fog and smoke, or motel, which is mobile hotel, or brunch a combo breakfast and lunch. Now, with the rise of the Internet and entertainment as major language influencers, we have more of these merge words. Here are a few this typist has noticed of late:

Brangelina - Brad and Angelina (no need for last names is there?)

Tomcat - no last names here either, but a little forced, don't you think?

Mocumentary - first made famous by Christopher Guest who produced the mother of all mocumentaries with Spinal Tap (still best in genre)

Edutainment - education masquerading as fun; fun masquerading as education, depending on whether you're a parent or a teacher.

Docudrama - fiction based on fact, or perhaps fact based on fiction

Metrosexual - metropolitan heterosexual man with fashion sense, skin products and hair styles of homosexual. Formerly known as Girly boy.

Gadar - gay and radar - ability to spot a gay

Blogosphere - a three word blend here. web + log = blog + atmospshere = blogosphere. (or Blogmos = Blog + cosmos - that one is a Gifted Typist original)

Romcom - Romantic comedy (ie Love Actually.)

Zomcom - Comedy with zombies. (This is tres niche)

Mancation - vacation for men only

Murse - Man purse

Hactivist - activists who hack computers to make to forward their cause.

Kidult entertainment - movies with double entendre for parents and kids. Shrek or Wallace and Gromit come to mind.

Any other merged words? Please comment (or plomment.)

Fruit and veg bowl

This was caught in a stream of sunlight that had bounced through a mirror and landed in a corner that rarely sees the sun. The apples are Pink Ladies, the oranges mandarins and the vegetable Brussels sprout. (1/200; f3.5; ISO100; focal length 50 mm)

Photoblog of note

This typist takes her [daily dose of imagery] first thing in the morning each and every day. This guy isn't just snapping pictures; he's making art. It's worth a look, if you promise to come back here again ;-).

(Note the merged word in the post title. GT has a merged-word post planned for later this week.)

Red Dawn III

Because it's there.

National handwriting day

Back in our early stenopool days, we young typists were taught the importance of penmanship. It went something like this: Good penmanship = civil society.

Well, if that formula still stood today, we'd be in big trouble because penmanship has taken a nosedive in the era of keyboard communication.

It's probably not surprising that the Writing Instrument Manufacturers Association or WIMA has declared 23 January National Handwriting Day. They want you to "rekindle that creative feeling through a handwritten note, poem, letter or journal entry."

Handwriting allows us to be artists and individuals during a time when we often use computers, faxes and e-mail to communicate. Fonts are the same no matter what computer you use or how you use it. Fonts lack a personal touch. Handwriting can add intimacy to a letter and reveal details about the writer’s personality. Throughout history, handwritten documents have sparked love affairs, started wars, established peace, freed slaves, created movements and declared independence.

This typist says here here to handwriting. After a long day on the type writer there's nothing more satisfying than picking up a nice well-balanced pen and practicing some lovely up-and-down cursive italic. When done properly and consistently, cursive italic is art. Here are some examples of the italic family, including cursive.

WIMA sponsors National Handwriting Day every January 23 in conjunction with John Hancock’s birthday. Hancock was the first to sign the US Declaration of Independence and is famous for his large, bold signature.

Does snow glow?

It seemed to under the street light the other night. Used a tripod here and shot slow (1 sec f4).

The shiny bits are a thin sheen of ice caused by sun warming the snow's surface enough to melt it slightly before nightfall when temperatures plummeted, leaving the shiny patches.

Swiss Army function creep?

Gadget mongers, meet your match: the Mother of all Swiss Army knives.

The Giant Knife Version 1.0″ is made by Wenger, maker of Swiss Army Knives. It includes 85 tools and 110 functions. It weighs 2 pounds, 11 ounces and measures 8.75 inches. Some of the tools include a cigar cutter, a bicycle chain rivet setter and a golf divot repair tool. Oh, and tweezers and a toothpick. For the complete list click here.

The price? $1,200 USD.

CBC radio spins The Spin

Bravo to CBC radio for pulling Spin Cycles out of its bag of tricks. The first show aired on Sunday morning at 11.

The first of six one-hour documentaries shone a light on the dark arts of public relations and political spin in the age of "truthiness." Producer Ira Basen, known for his excellent work on Ideas, explored the history of the public relations taking the listener from the earliest incarnations of PR in 1920s to the present day media management strategies used by the US military.

Basen leads us into the labyrinthine world where information is managed, massaged and manipulated by managers, often ex-journalists, who are paid by vested interests such as the military, pharmaceutical companies and governments. Sometimes the client isn't known.

Journalists may cry foul, says Basen, but they don't have to take the word of the spin doctors. “Spin itself is relatively benign. It becomes toxic when the press fails to do its job,” says Basen.

This typist says true to that, but if the power and budgets of public relations vested interests exceeds that of journalistic institutions, how are journalists supposed to do their jobs?

This is intelligent subject matter, well-presented and relevant to anyone who consumes news, the Internet or floats around in the soup of popular culture. Spin Cycles is proof of what CBC can do when it puts its mind to it.

Spin Cycles: A series about Spin, the Spinners and the Spun airs each Sunday morning at 11 until Feb 25.

Favourite child-rearing quote

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

John Wilmot

2nd Earl of Rochester, poet and writer (1647-1680)

Cluster berries II

Think of them as therapy for SAD

Cluster berries

Ripe red berries seem so incongruent with the frosty winter weather, but here they are again in all their glory.

Words that should be banned: MILF

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Houston, do we have frost?

Getting reports of no-shows on the More fun with frost shots. They've been reposted. Are the pictures showing up? (Also picking up chatter on problems with Blogger.)

The Dirty on Christina Aguilera

Slack woman is prattling on about Christina Aguilera's Dirty video and Britney's gash flash today.

More fun with frost

We know that no two snowflakes are alike but all have six sides or points. So why is frost so inconsistent? You have lines and streaks, then a thick covering like snow, clusters of broccoli florets and tiny flakes all on their own. There are bubbles, amoebas, continental land masses and Florida.

And all of this appeared in one small patch of window.

Losers and NonSense

Proposed new names for retail outlets Winners and HomeSense after news that hackers have broken into computer systems and stolen customer information. Hackers now have Visa card information for 2 million Canadians and 20 million customers worldwide. Winners are now Losers, no?

Manifesto of feline ownership IV

Here is our final post in this series. Thank you to Thomas J. Baglin for contributing this information exclusively to GT. It has been enormously helpful for those of us in co-dependent relationships with our felines.

Finally, DO accept this relationship with a four-legged
creature IS one of LONG DURATION. It IS ALWAYS in a constant stage of "adjustment." Over time, the cat becomes less aggressive, and the human has come to an "understanding" of the "limits" that the cat has established as its boundaries of behaviour.

However, all the above centers upon the understanding of WHO the CAT CHOOSES as it COMMAND PERSON.

Cats are hierarchical and DO FIXATE upon a "leader
person. Female cats DO gravitate more towards female humans.
Male cats roam a lot more, have less attachment, although I have been exposed to two that were very attached to one of my sons, but were done in by the car, and the automatic dryer. Yes, the same one we use on a weekly basis. Cats LOVE warm, cuddly places, and the dryers DO qualify. Thus, CHECK BEFORE USING!!

One aside regards HUMAN behaviour equations. MALE humans
would do well to thoroughly understand female cat behaviour, by long, and frequent study. WHY? It is remarkable that MUCH of the FEMALE human behaviour operates in very similar patterns. It IS worth the observation, and notation of both the pattern, and reaction(s).

Baby, it's cold outside!

Here is a shot of my front window this morning after the temperature took a nose dive into real winter. With the windchill, it was reported to be -30C. But the frost on the window tells the story better the numbers. It almost has the appearance of a mountain peak shrouded in cloud.

Shovelling and shovellers

A recent snowfall sent the typist out to shovel. And as she bullied the slushy sludge into submission, she got to thinking about shovelling and shovellers. Here are some thoughts on the different types of shoveller.

1. The civil engineer shoveller.
Approaches a snow-filled driveway with a mental blue print. Assesses depth, width and length of snow-to-be-shovelled and then calculates most efficient effort-to-snow removal ratio.

2. The why-didn't-I-buy-that-snow blower-when-it-was-on-sale-last-winter shoveller.
Lapses into seasonal denial about the existence of winter and naively spends money on barbeques, lawn care products and flowers, only to rue the day when the snow arrives. Full of self-loathing.

3. Protestant work ethic shoveller. Sees snow, finds shovel and gets to work. No complaints or moaning here. No enjoyment either.

4. Catholic guilt shoveller. Performs as fastidiously as Protestant brethren, but is motivated by worries about what will happen if they don't shovel. After all, someone could slip and hurt themselves.

5. The woe-is-me shoveller. Takes the snow storm personally. Regards shovelling as yet another cross to bear. Always overestimates the amount of snow which has fallen. Sighs heavily and often.

6. The clean freak shoveller Makes sure every last flake is obliterated no matter how severe the storm. Judgmental of slobs who fail to live up to these standards.

7. Trailer Park Boy shoveller. Like Rickey, they swear while shovelling "I effin' hate effin' winter. I effin' hate snow and I really effin' hate shovelling."

8. The Sergeant Major shoveller. Sees a snowstorm as an opportunity to teach the adolescent offspring a little something about the value of hard work. Provides rolling commentary on how much snow "we" used to get in the good old days and how kids back then weren't afraid of work.

9. Snow rage shoveller. Has propensity to throw beer bottles at plow just before it fills in mouth of a freshly shovelled driveway.

10. Cardio shoveller. Views a snowed-in driveway as an opportunity for endorphin release. Only stops to take heart rate. Does plenty of stretching before and after shovelling.

11. Snow blower envy shoveller. Covets neighbours' winter machines. Thinks size matters.

12. Smug snow blower owner shoveller. Occasionally gets shovel out to dust off front step and to feel like member of the snow-removing proletariat. Has no problem making friends with non-snow blowing neighbours.

Things to ponder for 2007

This list comes from none other than GT's star commentator Dick:

10. Life is sexually transmitted.

9. Good health is merely the slowest rate someone can die

8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich..

7. Give a person a fish net and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

6. Some people are like a slinky... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but laugh when they fall downstairs.

5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing

4. We all could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents???

2. In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Today the world is so weird people take Prozac to make it normal.

1. AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions of cows in North America, but we haven't a clue where thousands terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of fighting terrorism.

Life is a bowl of cherries

Top fun buzzwords for 2006

Another word list from Buzzwhack

1. blamestorming: A group process where participants analyze a failed project and look for scapegoats other than themselves.

2. death by tweakage: When a product or project fails due to unnecessary tinkering or too many last-minute revisions.

3. BMWs: Bitchers, Moaners and Whiners.

4. clockroaches: Employees who spend most of their day watching the clock - instead of doing their jobs

5. plutoed: To be unceremoniously dumped or relegated to a lower position without an adequate reason or explanation.

6. prairie dogging: A modern office phenomenon. Occurs when workers simultaneously pop their heads up out of their cubicles to see what's going on.

7. carbon-based error: Error caused by a human, not a computer (which we assume would be a silicon-based error).

8. menoporsche: Male menopause. Symptoms include a sudden lack of energy, crankiness and the overpowering urge to buy a Porsche.

9. adminisphere: The upper levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made.

10. deja poo: The feeling that you've stepped in this bull before.

11. bobbleheading: The mass nod of agreement by participants in a meeting to comments made by the boss even though most have no idea what he/she just said.

12. ringtone rage: The violent response by cube mates after hearing your annoying cell phone ringtone for the 15th time.

13. muffin top: The unsightly roll of flesh that spills over the waist of a pair of too-tight

Warm winter gets algae in mood

This typist is reliably informed by a phycologist that this algae is also being fooled by the wacky winter. It was spotted in an inland waterway on the South Shore of Nova Scotia early in January. Apparently algae should not be getting "in the mood" in January, but this bloom is showing reproductive signs such as its colour and swelling of pods which contain spores necessary for reproduction.

Favourite football fan quote

Show me a man who loves football and nine times out of ten you'll be pointing at a really bad shag

- Julie Burchill, British journalist

Words that should be banned: gash flash

We've all heard about it and some of us have seen it: Britney's gash flash. (If you want to see the the picture, you'll have to find it yourself.) Essentially, Britney Spears decided to go commando one evening and flashed herself to a salivating happy snappy paparazzi. The image was then posted to the Internet and everyone who wished to make a study of her external reproductive anatomy was free to do so.

This typist wonders what Britney will do next? Give us a fallopian flash? Or perhaps an ovarian reveal? We could have a cervix malfunction? And just think of what she could do with her uterus! I'm sure the PAParazzi could suggest more such re-pro reveals and mal-fos. It sort of makes the gash flash look dull.

Let's make the ultimate comment on gash flash and ignore completely. Let's not reward Britney for her boorish act. In fact, just just ban the word gash flash.
(thanks to Tagbagger for the tip)

Manifesto of feline ownership III

Today we explore, the issue of feline discipline and what to do if your feline jumps up on your lap while you are eating a piece of frosted cake. These thoughts are provided exclusively to the Gifted Typist by Mr. Thomas J. Baglin, philosopher and feline owner.

In the course of Discipline, the style, duration, and
force/pain the cat receives WILL initially cause the cat to know that its
behaviour is unacceptable. However, the cat has a sense of "fitting the
punishment TO the "Crime."

Cats do NOT have strong constitutions, and have a quicker equation to feeling threatened. Hence the ferociousness of its defense. The human, SUPPOSEDLY, the THINKING(?) animal(?), MUST establish the duration, and intensity of his application of force. He must ALSO be quick to note the slackening of the feline defense struggle. Cats are NOT known for long-duration fighting. Thus, when in the correcting of behaviour mode, the TIME and INTENSITY factor is critical to the future relationship.

Cats DO seem to "plot" revenge in many ways. Not the least of which is to jump onto your lap when you have a piece of frosted cake on plate in front of you. The Cat is getting its revenge, you can NOT discipline it if it goes into a loving mode. The cat has thoroughly confounded the issue for the human; and lies in a stately mood taking in all the human gyrations at getting the frosting off the clothing. CLASSIC case of MIS-DIRECTION of attention.

January? In Nova Scotia? Canada?

These shots were taken in Halifax, Nova Scotia on 11 January 2007. The typist who took the shots swears that Photoshop was not used to alter, enhance or advance the natural life cycle of these plants. It is the strange winter that has done this.

A rhododendron bud bursting into bloom?

Weeds blooming into flower?

Another shrub showing the it's first shoots of green?

Buds on trees?

More buds on trees?

Dick on birthdays

This comment from our Dick was too good to be buried in the comments. He always raises the tone of our discussions, and this, I find, keeps the Yard Apes in their place.

Why is it called a birthday anyway? It is
the anniversary of your birthday,
thus the French "anniversaire". We
only have one birthday, unless you want to
count 'born again' Christians.

When people congratulate you on your birth
anniversary, are they really congratulating your parents on a successful reproduction, or are they congratulating you for having survived as long as you have?

If it is the latter, it would only seem appropriate to offer
congrats at an age where the individual has a more self determined path (after you move out of the house?). If it is the former, it hardly seems appropriate congratulate someone else via their spawn simply because they
can reproduce. Maybe we are congratulating people for looking younger than they are (which I'm sure is the
case with GT).

Again, how can this apply to a five year old? I wish that all of your daysare happy. Let's not discuss your parents presumably nocturnal habits.

Happy 39th Birthday, Mum!

Even if your oldest typist is 44.

One of these is not like the others

These berries were the only sign of life in amongst the nude branches of a bush spotted in Hubbards, Nova Scotia. The berry in the middle appears to have seen better days.

Noun-to-verb word of the year: Plutoed

You've heard of noun-to-verb transformations such as impact to impacted, journal to journaling, scrapbook to scrapbooking.

Well, the American Dialect Society has chosen "Plutoed" as its word of the year for 2006. This noun-to-verb transformation occurred in 2006 when beleaguered Pluto was downgraded from planet to something less than a planet.

And thus we have the genesis of a new verb "Plutoed: to downgrade or demote." She Plutoed her boyfriend after catching him in flagrante delicto with another woman.

Runners up for the ADS word of the year were:

climate canary - something whose poor health indicates a looming environmental catastrophe.
flog - an advertisement disguised as a blog or web log
prohibited liquids - "fluids that cannot be transported by passengers on airplanes"
macaca - "an American citizen treated as an alien"

Babbling river

Nothing like fast-moving water crashing over rocks to inspire the imagination. This one was found during a Sunday walk in Hubbards on the South Shore of Nova Scotia. It was shot on an exposure of 1/13 sec. at f32.

Manifesto of feline ownership II

Here is the second part of our Manifesto. Here we humans are trying to show the feline who is boss when the feline is sinking fangs into human skin or using the human leg as a tree for climbing.

A cat that likes to sink the fangs into the skin when it
feels constricted. If this happens, a flick of the middle finger at the cat's nose will work, IF one is brave enough to take full measure at the feline retaliation.

When using the human leg for a "tree" to ascend, flicking
at the fore paws in a vigorous manner for a short, intense time, proves to the cat, that jumping is required to come up and lie on the same plane as its human companion.

Cats DO ADAPT. But, they DO have be TAUGHT.

This establishes two things:

A: that the behaviour is unacceptable to the
human.
B: That human retaliation is swift, sure, and telling. The cat is
merely

TESTING the limits of the human’s degree of pain, and ascertaining
the style opposition the human administers

Top 10 Gag-Me-With-A-Rototiller words of 2006

Here is a list of the most dreadful buzzwords of 2006 from Buzzwhack.
Thanks to WallyP.

1. leveraging our assets: The ultimate DUH in business. Every company attempts to leverage its assets. It only makes sense that companies put their resources, whether it's money, location or talent, to best use in order to make a profit?

2. mission-critical: Another sign that too many people in today's business world have read too many Tom Clancy books. What's wrong with the word "essential"?

3. conversate: To have a conversation. Created by those who (for some bizarre reason) don't think "converse" or "talk" are adequate.

4. information touchpoint: Any contact in which information is shared or transferred. Yes, meetings are information touchpoints.

5. synopsize: To condense the details of a boring, two-hour meeting into a briefer - yet still as boring - version.

6. electronify: The process of turning paper-based data into electronic or digital form.

7. price-optimized: Something sold as cheap as possible, particularly a stripped-down version of a previously successful, but expensive product. However, the price-optimized version is likely to have more flash and less substance.

8. targeted completion date: A comforting term that gives the impression a project will be finished by a certain date (but everyone involved knows there's no chance in hell of it happening).

9. surgerize: To have surgery. "Her face had been surgerized."

10. relanguage: Term used by $300-an-hour consultants when $1 words, such as reword, rephrase or rewrite, would work just as well. "I think we can relanguage that to be more effective."

Red dawn II

The importance of being (a) Dick

Given the uproar our Where are you Dick? post has created, the GT has decided to post this comment from the Man himself who has made a splash with his return after a three week absence.

I can't help but feel partially responsible for the indecent path which
this blog is following. Having been a Dick for the past 30 odd years gives me a special appreciation of the issue. Please believe me when I say I have heard it all. It has even made it into mainstream advertizing for MADD, "Be a Dick, don't drink and drive".

My father in law, rest in peace, came from Germany and told me
that Dick (probably spelled differently) was their slang for an idiot, directly translated as 'thick'. So I think everyone should celebrate a long and multicultural tradition of having fun with peoples names. Remember Octopussy?

Speaking of decency, some people won't call me Dick. They go out of their way to call me Richard even if I have never introduced myself as such. At first I thought that it was intended to impress me with their etymological prowess, but later discovered that it was a result of their etymological ignorance and thought they were calling me a rude name.

Some understand the connection but won't use 'Dick' for some other unknown but probably giggley reason. The upside is when somebody calls me a dick I can respond in kind. this can be illustrated by the following example:
Anthony: You are a dick!
Richard: You are an Anthony.
Anthony: What's that supposed to mean (perplexed and aggravated).
Richard: (runs away).
Anthony: Dick!!
Richard: (runs back)
What now Anthonyhead?! (runs away)
That has got to be my cue to stop typing. GT I think you may have
answered your question with your statement. Decency is out of fashion.

Winter in bud

This rhododendron is coming out in full bud on 7 January 2007. It was spotted in Hubbards on the South Shore of Nova Scotia, a place not known for its January blossoms. But who knows what this warm winter bring?

Where are you Dick?

For the past few months Dick has been a regular and valued colour commentator on The Gifted Typist. But he seems to have disappeared off the face of the Blogmos, and the regular cast of GT commentators, Tag(Carpet)Bagger, Wally P, Yard Ape, LardArse and the ever-popular Anonymous have been missing his incisive perspectives and insights.

The Gifted Typist too has been missing Dick. Come back to us Dick. We miss you.

Favourite euphemism quote

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne

- Quentin Crisp, English writer, raconteur, gay icon

Typist's euphemism of the year: extraordinary rendition

A US "extra-judicial" process by which untried suspects are exported to other countries for imprisonment and interrogation. Individuals suspected of criminal activity, terrorism or association with terrorist groups can be subjected to extraordinary rendition.

Canadian engineer Mahar Arar was subjected to a US extraordinary rendition in 2002 and sent to Syria where he was imprisoned for one year and tortured. After his release, a Canadian inquiry found that there was no evidence Mr. Arar committed any offence or constituted a security threat.

The word is chosen as this typist's Euphemism of the Year because the words extraordinary and rendition - when used together - serve to dampen down and mute out the serious breach of justice and democracy which occurs when untried suspects (what about presumption of innocence?) are taken into custody and sent to countries known to practice torture. Extraordinary rendition has been called "outsourcing torture" and "torture by proxy."

Typist's word of the year: PAParazzi

Following the example of Merriam Webster Dictionary which chose "truthiness" as its word of the year, this typist has made her own selection for 2006:

PAParazzi: gynaecologists with cameras who go out in public and snap pictures of innocent subjects without their permission or knowledge.

Word of the Year 2006: Truthiness

Merriam-Webster, the official dictionary of American English, has chosen "truthiness" as its word of the year 2006.

This word was coined Stephen Colbert on his TV show The Colbert Report to describe a state in which someone makes a truth claim with no evidence or facts to back it up. The claim by Ex-Defence Secretary Rumsy that Saddam was in possession of WMDs might be an example of "truthiness."

Truthiness has been used to ridicule and satirize claims made governments, business executives and those on the Right of the American political spectrum. Truthiness is not even a word in the MW dictionary, although that will soon change.

The rest of the 2006 MW top ten is as follows:

2. google

3. decider

4. war

5. insurgent

6. terrorism

7. vendetta

7. sectarian

8. quagmire

9. corruption

Manifesto of feline ownership Part I

Here is a response that Slack Woman received after warning the prime minister of Canada about the dangers of feline ownership. It came from Thomas J. Baglin who was kind enough to share his insights after 17 years of feline ownership. Today's post is the first in a series:

#1: Is the cat female? Neutered?

#2: Is the cat young, and UN-neutered?

Although these questions seem "double speak," they are not. The unifying question is age, and maternal condition. When my cat was young, and un-neutered, she was all about getting pregnant, which she did, at the age of LESS THAN six months.

When she was first brought home, she wanted OUT, and was all about escape plans, and opportunities. Try as we might her desire won out, and she was gone for about three days.

And yes, she met her love of the "one-night stand variety," and the promptly showed back at my door wanting admittance. She was soon fixed as to such a future dalliance. Her mood simmered down into one of being the lone feline, but definitely can deal with those two canines that might be just a bit bigger, but NOT so powerful as to being lethal.

This shows challenging the limits (and establishing HER extremes of co-operation), establishing a secure haven to come back to. Being the mighty mite (she is small for a cat) she is, too tough to banish permanently.

The Cheddar Chronicles: Prime Minister names his cat Cheddar, too

On Friday, She will be ranting and raving about the fact that the Prime Minister of Canada has named his cat Cheddar. She seems to take personal umbrage to this. She thinks the Prime Minister stole Her cat's name. She's written him a letter venting her indignation and throwing around veiled threats about suing the man for naming his cat Cheddar.

Have you ever heard anything so utterly ridiculous? She shouldn't have to be reminded that it's MY name we're talking about here!

I rather like the notoriety. If the Prime Minister of Canada wants to name his cat after me, I'm only too honoured. In fact, I think I'll invite Cheddar Harper for a visit. I think we'd get on famously planning all sorts of little irritations to inflict upon our owners.

Typist gets New Look

The typist has a new typewriter and a New Look for the typing.
What do you think?
Be honest
(it's still in beta and the font problems are being worked on)

Queen rules

It would be hard to argue with the choice of Queen as best British rock band of all time. Their ability to crank out stadium anthems such We Are The Champions, operatic flights of fantasy like Bohemian Rhapsody, and feel-good tunes like You're My Best Friend qualifies them even without the OTT camp-before-it-was-trendy antics of front man Freddie Mercury.

But it was that voice, Freddie's magnificent tenor vocal range and delivery that rose above all else for this typist. When he put that voice to Barcelona, there were no other tenors.

Over 20,000 BBC Radio 2 listeners voted on New Year's day. Given the demographic of this station 35-50, it's not surprising that Queen should rule.

The top five are:
1. Queen
2. The Beatles
3. Rolling Stones
4. Oasis
5 Take That

Queen, yes. Ditto the Beatles and Stones for the top five, but can someone please explain how Take That (the name Robbie Williams ring a bell?) beat out the likes of Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and The Who to name a few?

Promo Girl returns to CBC radio

Don't say you weren't warned. The Over Inflected One crashed back into the public airwaves of CBC Radio One this morning. Promo Boy is gone, Promo Girlis back and the holiday is over.
We had the same wavy inflections and more of the wink-wink-nudge-nudge verbal gesturing that so effectively trivializes and distracts from the material promoted. The ChuckerCanuck put it well when commenting on Promo Girl's disappearance last month:

Promo Girl will no longer purr about homelessness and coo about climate change. No longer will the CBC try to give me a boner while advertising a documentary about life during chemotherapy. True enough, CBC Radio One won't sound like a day-long highball party anymore, but that's the price of dignity.

I guess we public radio listeners should just get with the picture and realize that it's no longer strictly about good content; it's now about the cute personalities, ironic pitches and giggly gags someone thinks we need to hear to be inticed into listening. What would poor old Peter Gzowski have thought? But then, Promo Girl probably wouldn't remember him.

Tree on first full moon of 2007

This tree, a red maple, bursts into light every Christmas. Here is a shot taken with no tripod and held breath on a six second exposure in the wind. There was no hope of attaining a sharp and true image but the outcome was interesting, almost like a New Year display of fire works. The white light at the top is the full moon, muted by low cloud moving across it's silvery light. Below is an image of the same tree shot at a more sensible exposure with the same full moon in the backdrop.

Defiant winter berries

These berries defy the freezing winds blowing over the sand dune of a Northumberland beach. By the end of the shoot, fingers were frozen and the camera locked up, but the berries refused to be intimidated by the cold.