Favourite transvestite quote

Most transvestites are just regular guys , who occasionally like to eat, drink and be Mary

- Joe Joseph
(Couldn't find anything on JJ. All I know is that he's British. Anyone with any further info?)

Favourite drugs quote

I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.

-Keith Richards, British musician

Favourite happiness quote

I can sympathise with people's pains, but not with their pleasure. There is something curiously boring about someone else's happiness.


-Aldous Huxley, British novelist

Favourite grey hair quote

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

- PG Wodehouse, British novelist

Favourite Glasgow quote

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack, I'll look exactly the same afterwards

Billy Connolly, Scots comedian

Favourite biography quote

Every great man nowadays has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography




-Oscar Wilde, Irish wit and playwright

Favourite WMD quote

They've looked everywhere - they'll be in the last place they look, won't they? I'm like that with scissors. Of course, the difference is that I know that I have some scissors."

Linda Smith, British comedian, (1958-2006)(This typist's favourite comedian. Ever.)

Favourite deadline quote

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by

Douglas Adams, British author (1953-2001)

Favourite model quote

I don't fancy models as much as I should. The older I get, the more I like meat with my gravy.

Hugh Grant, British actor

Favourite child-rearing quote

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

John Wilmot

2nd Earl of Rochester, poet and writer (1647-1680)

Favourite football fan quote

Show me a man who loves football and nine times out of ten you'll be pointing at a really bad shag

- Julie Burchill, British journalist

Favourite euphemism quote

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne

- Quentin Crisp, English writer, raconteur, gay icon

Favourite New Year's resolution quote

In 1969 I gave up drinking and sex. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life

- George Best, Northern Irish footballer

Favourite Christmas quote

My left leg is Christmas; my right leg is New Year. Why don't you drop in over the holidays?

- Mae West - (attributed) American actress

Favourite tantric sex quote

I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging then dinner and a movie.

- Sting, British musician

Favourite champagne quotation

In victory we deserve it;

in defeat we need it

-Winston Churchill, British prime minister

Favourite typist's quote

"What's another word for thesaurus?"

-- Steven Wright.

Favourite gossip quote

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.


- Oscar Wilde

Favourite birth control quote

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion
- Spike Milligan, British writer and comedian

Favourite getting old quote

I'd rather be 75 years old sitting on a rocking chair regretting the things I'd done rather than the things I hadn't done.

- Michael Caine, British actor.