Happy Whatever-Turns-Your-Crank Day

The following is Dick's comment on the Happy Holidays post of a few days ago. It speaks to the confusion many feel about what is being celebrated at this time of year and why.

I will wish people a Merry Christmas,
with total disregard for their
feelings. What else am I supposed to call it?
I've tried happy Jesus Spawn Day
but it wasn't well received.I celebrate
around the day known as Christmas (read
Jesus Spawn Day if you like). I do
not celebrate Christmas, I celebrate a well
deserved paid holiday. In this
context it seems quite appropriate to wish me a
Happy Holidays
Stranger: Hi, what do you celebrate
Dick: Holidays, why?
Stranger: No, I mean do you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, winter solstice?
Dick: Oh I see ... I celebrate time off work. I guess I should be happy that Jesus was spawned and so many people make a fuss about it, or I might be working right now.
Stranger: Oh ... happy holidays.
Dick: Wouldn't have it any other
way.
Happy Whatever Turns Your Crank Day!