Mall cowers under angry sky

This angry sky bullied its way into a sunny day casting a dark shadow over the mall. The stark contrasts of light and dark made for a dramtic afternoon that day. The photo entitled Geisha's Lips was also shot on that day, an hour later.

Slacker's big flop

Slacker's big splash turns into a big flop during the national swimming championships. Read here for more.

Picture features national championship swimmers pushing off the blocks.

Frost on my windshield

Got up one bitterly cold morning and slept walked to the car. I turned the key and looked up to the most brilliant blue sky and this smattering of yellow frost on the windshield.

Words that should be banned: hipster parents

Much is being said lately of the Hipster Parent, most of it negative. Time magazine recently printed a screed entitled Too Cool for Preschool and New York Times columnist David Brooks dissed the trend of turning a six-month old into a logo for the lastest indie rock band or for Mummy's blog.

This typist has also critiqued the Yummy Mummy syndrome in which mummies pamper and ornament themselves and regard their offspring as cute accoutrement's.

They are one and the same, Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies. They believe their style and behaviors are individualistic and that they are rebelling against the imposed parental expectations.

But in reality Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies are not rebels but sheep. They Baa Baa to the consumerist instruction to express identities through branded logos which they purchase and wear on their clothes, on their skin (tattoos) and on their babies.

They have been told by the Macintosh Corporation that i-brands = cool and so they have gone out and dutifully bought those i-products. Hipster parents and Yummy Mummies seek direction for their indie babies through websites like Babyrazzi which features the style and behaviour of celebs such as Gwyneth and Moses, Posh and Brooklyn, Britany and, oh never mind that one.

Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies believe they are re-inventing parenthood or perhaps inventing it for the first time. They are wrong about that. But more to the point, they are wrong to impose their consumer branded identifies on their six-month olds. They lack imagination and taste.

Let's ban Hipster Parents and Yummy Mummies and leave our babies to form their own identities.

IMglish - Lesson 3

Here is this week's crop of IMglish-isms for all you txtrs and chtrs out there. We think this IMglish is new, but this typist recalls stenopool day when pages were typed from shorthand. Like so many other new and trendy things, IMglish is just the wheel re-invented.

AATK always at the keyboard

M8 mate or mates

ABT2 about to

MA mature audience

AFAIK as far as I know

MHBFY my heart bleeds for you

AFK away from keyboard

MIHAP may I have your attention please

AFN that’s all for now

MKOP my kind of place

AKA also known as

Forestry correspondent pronounces trees dead

When the Gifted Typist appointed a Chief Forestry Correspondent, brows furrowed. Why, some mused, would a typist's blog require a Chief Forestry Correspondent.

Well, today our Chief Forestry Correspondent proved why blogs like this one need such a correspondent.

It turns out that our artistic tree is in fact dead. Here is the news as dispatched from our Chief Forestry Correspondent, dick.

The trees are dead. Note the missing bark. These are dead eastern white pine (Pinus strobus) and are common throughout the Acadian and Great Lakes Forest Regions. They are conifers and, when alive, keep their green foliage year round.

Gitmo North = Canada II

Gitmo North - the country formerly known as Canada - has shed its Guantanamo Bay-like anti-terrorism laws. Parliament voted not to extend extraordinary anti-terrorism laws allowing authorities to detain and interrogate terrorism suspects.

(Gitmo is the familiar and folksy pet name used for terrorist detainment centre at Guantanomo.)

The vote was a defeat for the minority govenment of Gitmo North which pushed to have these extraordinary powers extended for three years. Last week the Supreme Court struck down the security certificate allowig authorities to detain and deport non-citizens on a suspicion of terrorism.

Sadly, the Prime Minister of Gitmo North advocates anti-democratic laws such as these measures. Until Prime Minister Gitmo is removed, the country formerly known as Canada will have to remain Gitmo North.

Winter tree

This tree, denuded by winter, stands in an area stripped of most trees by Hurricane Juan which struck Halifax in September of 2003.

Point Pleasant Park was transformed that night from a heavily forested urban park to a park of fallen trees.

But what it lost in tree cover, it gained in views. If strollers look beyond the fallen trees, they have a spectacular view of the Halifax Harbour.

Broken link in Gitmo North (formerly known as Canada)

Either the goverment of Gitmo North - formerly known as Canada - is having trouble with its web services or they haven't figured out what to say now that the Supreme Court has struck down its Security Certificate Terrorism law. (See next post for more on the Guantanamo Bay or Gitmo-like terrorism laws of Canada. )

When you click on the Canadian Border and Security to see what Gitmo North has to say about its Security Certificate program, you get the following Error 404 message. Go ahead, click here and try for yourself.

We're sorry, but you've either clicked on a broken hyperlink
or tried to access a page whose Web address has changed.
When someone clicks
on a broken hyperlink, our system automatically logs the problem so we can fix
it as part of our regular maintenance.
We invite you to visit the main
menu and explore our site. Or hit "Back" in your
Web browser's toolbar to return to the last Web page you visited.

We can but hope that the Security Certificate programthat allowed authorities to detain and deport non-citizens based on suspicion of terrorism is considered "the problem" which will have to be "fixed" as part of the website's regular maintenance.

Canada = Gitmo North

Last week we discussed Gitmo, the US facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where detainees can be held indefinitely without charge or legal representation. Gitmo exists outside of American soil because the US constitution protects people against this sort of activity.

Here in Gitmo North - formerly known as Canada - authorities can detain people without arrest and force them to testify in secret trials. And until the Supreme Court struck down the security certificate last week, authorities could also detain and deport non-citizens based on suspicion of terrorism. No US Constitution to worry about in Gitmo North.

Today parliamentarians of Gitmo North will debate the provisions that allow authorities to detain people without arrest and force them to testify in secret. The Prime Minister of Gitmo North would like to see these provisions extended. We can hope that civil liberties will prevail over oppression of democratic rights.

The unanimous Supreme Court finding that security certificates breach rights was encouraging, but citizens of the country formerly known as Canada should be fearful because the Prime Minister of Gitmo North has made it clear that he has plans to populate the Supreme Court with judges who think more like he does and more like the architects of Gitmo, Cuba.

Bad translations: #1

Today we start a new series on the Gifted Typist: Bad translations.
Keep in mind that the authors of these translations often have a better knowledge of english than we have of their language.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for
the day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards,
and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade elevator: To move the cabin, push button
for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at
the front desk.

Favourite Glasgow quote

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack, I'll look exactly the same afterwards

Billy Connolly, Scots comedian

The Cheddar Chronicles: shadows on the wall

You like movies
I like shadows.

You like interactive games
I like interactive shadows.

So why do you get all excited and jump up and down like a fool when I sit down to a nice morning of moving shadows on the wall?

Of course I know they are only shadows, just like you know that a movie is only a movie.

They aren't real. They a mere representations of reality, an interpretation involving light and form. This is immensely enjoyable to me.

So will you please put the cursed camera away and stop making a fuss. It's getting so tiresome, to say nothing of embarrassing.

Embrace your virus - you are one of the chosen

Just when you thought you were a poor virus-infested wretch, Dick comes along to say No! You're not deserving of sympathy, you are one of the chosen. And so you are - chosen to carry one of the most successful viruses on the planet. Here is Dick's call to arms.

Face it GT, no one can empathize fully with your
current state. We all tend to suppress our bad memories, which include bouts with viruses; so when you slosh into a room you are immediately perceived asover reacting, "How could it be that bad?" we ask ourselves.

You would be more likely to get sympathy from someone
who is sharing your illness, if not for the fact that they are busy self
loathing, or hating you for passing on the virus in the first
place.

It is a lonely world indeed when we are sick.Or is it?
We are having an extremely intimate relationship with millions of viral
organisms. The organisms are truely great.

They, in their simplicity, are one of the most
successful genera on the planet.I suggest you sit down with a hot toddy, and celebrate the honour of having been chosen as a vehicle to assist in the perpetuation of one of the most facinating species on our planet.

How to beat a rhino

Slacker hasn't been wrestling rhinos in Sub-Saharan Africa, but the condition she has makes it sounds that's what she's been doing. For more read here.

Words that should be banned: Gitmo

This fun-loving Disneyesque term describes the US military base at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. Gitmo is where detainees are kept. Detainees are people arrested on suspicions of terrorist activity.

Gitmo detainees are held outside the US so that activities there are not restricted to the US Constitution which states that arrested people have a right to a lawyer and cannot be held indefinitely without charge. At Gitmo, you can hold them as long as you like and never provide lawyer. At Gitmo, there are no Geneva Conventions on treatment of prisoners of war because the people held at Gitmo are not prisoners. They are detainees.

Gitmo is a term used by US military and political insiders. It is colloquial and folksy. Gitmo should not be used by media organizations such as CBC radio which recently mentioned the fun-loving term several times in a broadcast.

Yes, CBC it is fun to say Gitmo just like it's fun to say Bingo or Dumbo or Satchmo. But saying in saying the fun word Gitmo, you are getting into bed with the very fun-loving people who created and support its premise.

Let's ban Gitmo and call an undemocratic breach of US-style justice an undemocratic breach of US-style justice.

Typist's favourite headline

In the world of newspaper headlines, Freddie Starr Ate My Hamster is top gun.

This famous and now-infamous headline goes down in history as one of most attention-grabbing - to say nothing of funny - headlines ever.

It appeared in the British Tabloid The Sun (cir. 4M+) in 1986. Its object - comedian Freddie Starr - denied ever imbibing hamster, gerbil, guinea pig or vole.

The story and headline, did however, re-kindle Mr. Starr's flagging career.

This headline remains a feather in the cap of Mr. Starr's publicist Max Clifford who is probably more famous than Mr. Starr and more infamous than the headline he procured. In 2006 this headline was voted the best-ever by listeners of BBC radio.

Shriveled rosehips

Like people, berries shrivel and wrinkle with age, but the vibrant colour of this bunch shines through on a bitterly cold day. These rosehips (thanks dick) were shot in front of the IWK Hospital in Halifax.

1/100; f14; ISO 200; 50mm

L33tspeak is here to stay

Today we turn our attention to a new variant of the typed language: Leetspeak or 13375p34k, to stay true to form. We've mentioned it before but what exactly is 1337 speak (another way of typing it)?

A literal translation makes it Elite Speak, a form of written language used largely by Internet geeks in chat-rooms and in on-line games. Wikipedia says "elite" refers to superior hacking skills.

133t5p33k replaces standard letter forms with others looking vaguely similar. So you have 1 for L, 3 for E, 5 for S. Common leet codifications include the use of the letters "u r" for "you are" or leet typos such as "t3H" for "the." K3W1357 means kewlest/coolest, w4r3z (wares) is slang for pirated software.

L33t is still considered the language of the 14-year old geek, but this typist has seen the future it is L33t speak. This strange fusion of numbers, symbols and typos continues to evolve and influence the language, changing typing habits and the way the English language looks and sounds.

+h3 g1PHtEd tYPi5t5 1$ lE@rniNg l33+5P3@k = The Gifted Typist is learning Leetspeak.

Check out the L33t generator to create your own leetspeak.
(Thanks to TagBagger for tip on l33t generator.)

IMglish - Lesson 2

Here is today's crop of IMglishisms. This bunch features numbers. Numbers are often used in Leet Speak, but IMglish and l33t speak are not the same. More on that l8r.

14AA41 one for all and all for one

1-D-R I wonder

121 one to one

143 I love you

411 information

4ever forever

86 over

Favourite biography quote

Every great man nowadays has his disciples, and it is always Judas who writes the biography




-Oscar Wilde, Irish wit and playwright

A forest of frost fractals

Another frost fractal on the bedroom window, zoomed and cropped. The tiny ice crystals capture rays of early morning sun. It has the look of a moonlit line of scruffy evergreens on the crest of a hill.

(1/400, f4.5, ISO 200, 200mm)

Germ-glish debate rages

Canadians who do not like to be called American (by people who regard them as North Americans) will often turn around and cavalierly refer to Britain as Europe. This strikes the British as strange, given the Canadian language and culture is far more similar to the US than the British language and culture is to those of Europe.

The following joke sheds light on British resistance to European identity and integration.

The European Union has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than
German. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This
should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e"
in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

Comfort beats vanity: a sad fashion tale

There are times when cold wins over vanity, when long down-fill coats win over sexy bomber parkas, when flat soles with sensible grips win over high-heels and leather. Read Slacker to find out how dignity gave way to sense. She wasn't pretty, but she was warm.

Human rhinovirus 16 attacks typist!

This computer model depicts the human rhinovirus 16. The infected human suffers sneezing, nasal discharge, sinus pain, sore throat and upper respiratory tract problems. That human can also experience abdominal pain, lack of sleep and lower back discomfort - all from persistent coughing (or hacking to use the vernacular.) HR16 is described by medical experts as non-lethal.

This human typist contracted this terrible condition two days ago. Given the misery it has caused, she would prefer her condition be referred to as the Human Rhinovirus 16, not the Common Cold.

Happy Valentine's Day, girls

This little parable arrived today with the wish of Happy Valentine's Day. Perhaps demographers who are concerned about population decline in western countries should take a closer look.

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?"

The guy said "No."

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis
with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet
full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

Geisha's lips

Here is a shot of the bandstand in the abandoned Halifax Public Gardens. It was taken on a moody day through two prongs of the iron post fence surrounding the garden. TH said the shot reminded him of a geisha's lips. So TH, I give you Geisha's Lips on Valentine's Day.

Revenge of the PC owner

We've all got a Smug-Mac friend. You know the type: you just mention something that went wrong with your morally inferior PC and the Smug-Mac friend is straight in there with the 10 Commandments of Mac evangelism. Thou shalt not buy a PC. Thou Shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife's PC. Thou shalt profess thy love for thy Mac.

No doubt Mac computers are good - probably better than PC - but the Mac Love thing gets tiresome, as does the iPod Love and all its iLove variants. Well, here's a bit of revenge for the lowly PC underdog. The piece was written by Charlie Brooker in The Guardian. It's called I hate Macs. Here is an excerpt:

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

Dick doesn't heart Valentine's Day

Here is Dick's take on hearts and Valentines Day. (For the record, Dick has recently been appointed The Gifted Typist's Chief Forestry Correspondent. Congratulations Dick.)

For some reason I never developed the feeling that the
heart was a source of emotion. The typical inverted bottom (arse) shape was a symbol that immediately made me think of the images in my dads medical journals, a slimy veiny pulsing muscle.

Some cultures believe that the spirit comes from the abdomen, but I don't think they have valentines day. It would make for an interesting card, no?

I think we should be using images or, at least, symbols of
brains instead of hearts.

I heart Valentines Day - Not!