A recent snowfall sent the typist out to shovel. And as she bullied the slushy sludge into submission, she got to thinking about shovelling and shovellers. Here are some thoughts on the different types of shoveller.
1. The civil engineer shoveller.
Approaches a snow-filled driveway with a mental blue print. Assesses depth, width and length of snow-to-be-shovelled and then calculates most efficient effort-to-snow removal ratio.
2. The why-didn't-I-buy-that-snow blower-when-it-was-on-sale-last-winter shoveller.
Lapses into seasonal denial about the existence of winter and naively spends money on barbeques, lawn care products and flowers, only to rue the day when the snow arrives. Full of self-loathing.
3. Protestant work ethic shoveller. Sees snow, finds shovel and gets to work. No complaints or moaning here. No enjoyment either.
4. Catholic guilt shoveller. Performs as fastidiously as Protestant brethren, but is motivated by worries about what will happen if they don't shovel. After all, someone could slip and hurt themselves.
5. The woe-is-me shoveller. Takes the snow storm personally. Regards shovelling as yet another cross to bear. Always overestimates the amount of snow which has fallen. Sighs heavily and often.
6. The clean freak shoveller Makes sure every last flake is obliterated no matter how severe the storm. Judgmental of slobs who fail to live up to these standards.
8. The Sergeant Major shoveller. Sees a snowstorm as an opportunity to teach the adolescent offspring a little something about the value of hard work. Provides rolling commentary on how much snow "we" used to get in the good old days and how kids back then weren't afraid of work.
9. Snow rage shoveller. Has propensity to throw beer bottles at plow just before it fills in mouth of a freshly shovelled driveway.
10. Cardio shoveller. Views a snowed-in driveway as an opportunity for endorphin release. Only stops to take heart rate. Does plenty of stretching before and after shovelling.
11. Snow blower envy shoveller. Covets neighbours' winter machines. Thinks size matters.
12. Smug snow blower owner shoveller. Occasionally gets shovel out to dust off front step and to feel like member of the snow-removing proletariat. Has no problem making friends with non-snow blowing neighbours.
